I sure feel like I'm wasting a hell of
a lot of time lately, and I'm not sure why.
I'm not sure if it's depression or
what. There are actually quite a lot of things I've been feeling
more than a little down about lately. The biggest thing on my mind
right now is my job situation. It's not good, and I'm not sure when
or even if it'll improve. Finding a second job would certainly help
in that area, but it's been so long since I've gone looking for work
that I've sort of forgotten how, and I know a few things have changed
since then.
My health is another issue. I've had a
cold or something like it for quite a while now, and sometime in the
course of recovering from that, I've slipped back into the old bad
habits that put my weight through the damed roof, which will only
serve to make worse certain other problems I can't get away from
quite so easily, for one reason or another.
One thing that's serving to make
matters worse right now is that I've got a head full of other ideas I
want to work with, some of which I've talked about in a few places
already. The reason I do that is to compel myself to get on with
actually doing these things instead of just sitting around pretending
like I'm going to actually do them. Lately, though, I just haven't
felt that compulsion to actually get going on these things the way I
should. This is something that would have been bad enough when I was
just starting out with all this Internet stuff I do and didn't really
have anybody looking at the content I was producing. But now it
seems that I'm starting to pick up a few followers based on the
content I'm putting out, and the fact that I'm not getting on with
the things I say I'm going to do has me bothered and worried that I'm
going to start losing that following just when I was finally starting
to get exactly what I'd been hoping for for a long time now.
All of this is starting to cause a lot
of stress for me, weighing my mind down, and I know it's not doing me
any good in a lot of ways. Worse yet, I don't know how to fix any of
it, and that's only adding to the stress and pressure I feel. Gotta
say, I really don't know where to turn to find any answers to work
with. I know there are people out there who are trying to help with
that, but a lot of the time it feels like that's just as much a part
of the problem as anything else, and I'm not sure how to go about
explaining that properly.
There's also the fact that time just
seems to be getting away from me more and more the harder I try to
put things right, and it's affecting how I eat and sleep, too, which
also only makes things worse. I'm already up way later than I'd
intended to be as I write this. Posting it to the most common place
I seem to be read will have to wait until later, and I don't like
having to do that. Changing the way I do things like this will
involve relearning time management, I think:
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