Here we are again, for the second half of Episode 3 of the DigiDefenders MiSTing series. We're leading off with the host segment I was mentioning last time. The whole point of this segment and the riffs leading up to it was that I was trying to show at least a tiny bit of self awareness of where I could have gone with this and that I was making something like an effort to avoid it. By the time I wrote this, I'd seen a couple instances, at least, of fan writers, usually male, building out their fantasies regarding their favorite characters and/or franchises, only to have it all come crumbling down on them in an unfortunate way. I was hoping to avoid being one of them, and I'd like to think I've had a fair amount of success on that front. I'm not sure if I actually did or not, but this is one of those things where self assessment is difficult at best. It's something I don't remember ever feeling compelled to address quite this way in the years between first writing the “episode” and these endcaps.
Of course, there are a few somewhat related things that came up later in the continuity I was going for, but I think I delt with those in a reasonably acceptable manner. I think I already shared the one of these I did where it was just my character and the “other Renamon” character that was more or less his companion. There's more to that coming, but the way I've been getting these out, there's a very real chance of that being a good ways out still. We'll get to them in due time, though.
As always, there's more I want to say about this thing, but I'll save that for the bottom endcap. Until then, let's get on with the main event.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
[Lobby. JESSE is behind the counter filling drinks as CALUMON watches from
his head and RENAMON leans back on the other side of the counter.]
JESSE: So, uh, Renamon, what's going on in there with you?
RENAMON: How do you mean?
JESSE: You seem to have taken an unusual interest in my knee. It's got me
wondering a bit...
RENAMON: Well, now that I've gotten to know you a little bit, I kinda like
you.
JESSE: You're not so bad yourself, but I don't quite understand the knee
thing, really.
RENAMON: Just checking to see that it wasn't out of place or anything.
JESSE: Oh, come on. Be honest. If my knee were out of place, I wouldn't be
able to walk. I'm too heavy for that.
RENAMON: Yeah, I suppose.
JESSE: Wait, if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, it can't work.
After all, if things were normal around here, none of this would be
happening.
RENAMON: Good point. After all, I'm a card game character, you're a
real-world human. No connection whatsoever.
JESSE: There's that, and it also gives entirely the wrong impression. I
*do* enjoy a good fantasy, but I try not to cross the line too much.
CALUMON: Does that mean you don't like us?
JESSE: No, no. Not hardly. You're all pretty cool. It's just that I need
contact with others from what stands as *my* reality, meaning a paying job
and such things.
CALUMON: You won't forget us, then?
JESSE: Not for awhile, anyway.
CALUMON:[sad] Oh...
JESSE: Well, I suppose we'd better get back in there and finish the movie.
RENAMON: Yeah. I supose Rika's probably waiting for us.
[All return to theater]
>
JESSE: Glad we got that out of the way.
RENAMON: For the time being, anyhow.
>
>
>"Nikolai, why did such a nice Digimon end up with a sour puss like her?"
>Gizamon >asked as Nikoali moved through the streets of Paris.
>
>"Believe me, Gizamon, I've been asking that question from day one."
JESSE: Wait. What's going on here?
>
>"You really don't like her, do you?"
RENAMON: It'll be quite the opposite in the end.
>
>"It's hard to like someone who spends their every waking moment insulting,
>criticizing, >and just simply putting everything down. I swear, people
>like her make me sick. You'd >never see those type of people in Moscow."
JESSE: Yeah, right. And I'm Leomon's body double.
RIKA: You could be, if you weren't such a blubberboy.
CALUMON: And alot taller.
JESSE:[sarcastic] Oh, thanks for the conficence booster, you two.
>
>Gizamon sighed. To tell the truth, he could see that that "drop dead"
>comment really >cut her deep. But then again, perhaps it's good for her to
>be brought down a few >notches, taught that the whole world didn't revolve
>around her.
JESSE: So do we all, from time to time. So do we all.
>
>Suddenly a form took essence in front of them. It was basically a large
>orange boar >with fire hair a black snout.
>
>------------------Digimon--------------------------------------Database-----------------------
>
>Name: Boarmon
>Level: Armored
>Type: Mammal Digimon
>Attribute: Data
>Attack: Nose Blaster, Bullet Attack
>
>Gizamon: Boarmon, a real stubborn mammal Digimon. His attack is Nose
>Blaster, which sends fire out his nose.
JESSE: Ow! That's gotta sting.
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Boarmon looked around his surroundings. He looked frightened.
JESSE:[Boarmon] Oh my God! Where are all the sports bars?
>
>"What is this place? It looks horrible. I must destroy it.
JESSE: What do you bet he says that about mirrors, too?
CALUNOM: He does it just by looking at them.
>
> Nose Blaster!" Fire came >shooting out of his nose and torched
>a parked car.
JESSE:[Boarmon] Oh, my nose, my nose! Burned to a crisp!
RENAMON: One car down and many millions to go.
>
>"Boarmon, stop, your hurting living creatures," Nikolai protested.
>
CALUMON: I didn't know cars were living creatures.
RIKA: They're not.
JESSE: Not unless this is suddenly a crossover with Jay Jay the Jet Plane.
RENAMON:[slaps JESSE] Don't even think things like that.
>"You don't order me around, weakling! Nose Blaster!" The fire hit the
>ground in front >of Nikolai blowing him back.
RIKA: That was close.
JESSE: And he was so nearly a cigar, too.
>
>Gizamon knew he had to help, but not in this form. "Nikolai, make me
>digivolve!" >Gizamon called.
JESSE:[Nikolai] Sorry, Gizamon. I'm a little busy getting beaten up right
now!
>
>"I don't think so. Nose Blaster!" Again the blast blew Nikolai into a
>wall.
>
>"We need help," Gizamon said.
>
JESSE: How do you figure?
>
>The nerve of that arrogant blowhard, Mari insulted. "He had no right to
>talk to me that >way. "Who does he think he is, coming over here and
>acting like a testosterone-filled >boar!
JESSE: Feeling a bit displaced, Mari?
RIKA: And to think *she's* the nasty one.
> I..." Floramon could tell that deep down, Mari was reeling from
>Nikolai's "drop >dead" comment. She didn't deserve that but as for all the
>rest...
>
>Mari noticed that Floramon stopped and was scowling at her. She turned
>around.
JESSE: So *that's* the age when human women get eyes in the back of their
heads...
RENAMON: You're in a mean mood all of a sudden.
>
>"What's your problem?"
JESSE:[Floramon/Odo] I've held this shape for too long. I need to
regenerate...
>
>"You," the Digimon replied.
>
>"Say what?"
JESSE: I know there's a game called "Caption This!" on the Internet, but is
there one called "Say What?" someplace?
RIKA: It sure *sounds* familiar...
>
>"I agree that Nikolai had no right to tell you to drop dead,
JESSE: He didn't just tell her to drop dead. He practically gave her a
death threat.
RIKA: Yeah.
>
> but you were acting like a, to >use his words, 'selfish,
>egotistical, arrogant, and inhuman.'"
RENAMON:[Floramon] ...person.
>
>"Now wait just a..."
>
>"No, you wait. You keep acting like you're above everybody when in fact
>it's people >like you that make evil Digimon look cool.
JESSE: How did she make Gesomon look cool?
CALUMON: I dunno.
RIKA: Me either.
RENAMON: I have no idea.
> Maybe
>if you'd actually pay attention to >what Nikolai was trying to do, namely
>save your life and the lives of others, you >wouldn't have been on the
>receiving end of his "drop dead" comment."
JESSE: I still say that was too harsh to be just a "drop dead" comment.
>
>Mari was about to retaliate when they heard screaming.
RENAMON: So now we don't get to see her lash out at someone who's a little
bit smarter than she is.
RIKA:[sarcastically] What a disapointment.
>
> They quickly ran to check it >out and saw Gizamon fighting a
>losing battle against Boarmon. Nikolai was leaning >against the wall,
>nursing his wounds.
>
>"He's in trouble," Floramon said. "We must rescue him."
>
>"What do you mean 'we?' Why should 'we' do anything.
JESSE:[Floramon] You're right. *I'll* go rescue him while *you* stand by
and wait for me to say that I need you.
>
> It'll do him good for that >upstart to be brought down a
>few notches."
RIKA: And *she's* complaining about *his* ego?
>
>"You want to prove that you're better than him, then rescue him. Imagine
>his surprise >when the very one he insulted comes to rescue him. It shows
>that you're a bigger human >than he was."
JESSE: Right, Floramon. Play to her ego.
RIKA: This is really turning into a battle of the superegos.
RENAMON: For once, it's a good thing people are in danger.
JESSE: Yeah. At least there's *some* reason for this.
>
>Mari wasn't following on Floramon's logic. But she could see where she was
>heading.
JESSE: Oh, come on. Prove him wrong about you and you'll likely make a
friend. It's that simple.
>"All right, let's go rescue Mr. Ego."
RIKA: Said *Mrs.* Ego.
>
>"Why don't we rescue Nikolai as well?"
>
>"If we must." The two ran out. Floramon led off with a 'Rain of Pollen'
>attack. Unlike >Gesomon, Boarmon took it full force and soon he was
>sneezing and hacking all over the >place.
JESSE: But that's only because they jumped him and shot while he was off
guard.
CALUMON: And it's hard to dive into pavement, too.
>
>"Floramon, digivolve," Mari said half-heartedly as she pressed the button
>on her D-4.
>
>DIGIVOLUTION
>
>"Floramon, digivolve to... Kiwimon!" Kiwimon was literally half a bird.
>No wings and >a large white mask with a sharp beak.
JESSE: Superglued to an overgrown fruit with a brown peel and deep green
flesh.
>
>"Leave him alone, Miss Piggy," Kiwimon insulted to Boarmon, who was ready
>to blow >Nikolai away again.
RIKA: Not very far away, of course.
>
>------------------Digimon--------------------------------------Database-----------------------
>
>Name: Kiwimon
>Level: Champion
>Type: Ancient Bird Digimon
JESSE: *And* a Delicious Fruit Digimon.
RIKA: Yeah, right. *You're* the fruit here, Jesse.
JESSE: Thank you.
>Attribute: Data
>Attack: Pummel Peck, Beak Buster!
>
>Boarmon: I know you, you're Kiwimon, a rare bird Digimon. While can't fly,
>your >speed makes up for it along with your sharp beak.
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>"Time to show you how your kind got rare," Boarmon said. "Nose Blaster!"
JESSE: So that's why I haven't seen any kiwifruit around here lately.
>
>Kiwimon ran forward and zig-zagged to dodge the flames. She leaped into
>the air and >bounced off of Boarmon's back.
RIKA: Digimon just don't make good shoe polishing cloths.
RENAMON: No, we don't.
>
>"Pummel Peck!" Twirling in mid-air, Kiwimon fired darts that looked like
>mini >versions of herself. Boarmon fell down.
JESSE: Well, getting pummeled with fruits the size of eggs would do that.
>
>"Beak Buster!" Kiwimon stabbed Boarmon with her long sharp beak. Boarmon
> >grunted once then dissolved.
JESSE:[Busta Rhymes/Boarmon] Uh. *You* wanna ram *as* me? Uh.
> Only Gizamon noticed the data
>being copied into Mari's >D-4.
>
>"I have to admit, Kiwimon, this form is a lot better than your rookie
>form."
>
>"That's kind of the whole idea of digivolving," Kiwimon said.
RENAMON: Yes it is.
JESSE:[Bill Murray] Good. Glad we cleared that up. I was kinda fuzzy on
that whole digivolving thing.
>
>"Thanks, Marisa," Nikolai said. "I guess I was wrong about you, you're not
>as inhuman >as I originally thought."
RENAMON: See how well things can go if you just *try* to be nice to people?
>
>"And don't you forget it," Mari said wagging her finger at him. "You owe
>me, >Pavelnik."
>
>"Yes, ma'am," Nikolai said.
>
>"Good, as long as we have an understanding."
JESSE: Yeah, before long they'll be dating.
CALUMON: Aw...
>
>"Well, I better get back to Moscow," Nikolai said. Gizamon glowed and
>returned to his >card state. Kiwimon dedigivolved and did likewise.
JESSE: That's a tad overdue.
RIKA: What makes you say that?
JESSE: Betamon wasn't out for more than an hour at the most when we met him.
Gizamon and Floramon have been around the whole day, according to this.
>
>{Floramon was so easy to agree with,} Mari thought as she stared at the
>Seine. {And I >guess Ruskie was as well in the end.
JESSE: They'll be friends in no time.
> Too bad things
>with my Mom isn't as easy to >figure out as battling Digimon. I wonder if
>we'll ever patch things up. Well if anyone's >going to apologize, it's
>going to be her because I know I couldn't do anything wrong.
RIKA: And she says *Nikolai* has a big ego.
JESSE: You know, perhaps if she just *tried* to explain this to her mom,
things might turn around for her. Not that it would be particularily
effective, or anything, but still...
RENAMON: Couldn't hurt, I guess.
>
> In >the mean time,
>I guess I might as well get used to my new task as a Digidefender.}
RENAMON: I think that's the end.
[The end of a movie film shoots across the screen.]
JESSE: Yep.
RIKA: Let's go.
[All exit theater]
[Lobby. The door chime rings as Security Guard Barney FIFE enters the
theater. He approaches the counter, where the others are huddled around a
laptop]
FIFE: Nice place you got here, Jesse.
JESSE:[looks up from laptop] Thanks, Officer Fife. You get that mess with
Salor Moon cleared up?
FIFE: Yep. Had to ban the poor kid from the mall, but she was a menace. An
absolute menace, I tell you.
JESSE: That's too bad.
FIFE: I thought you and your guests here would be in the theater watching a
movie or something.
JESSE: The movie's over, actually. Today's feature was part of a fan series
based upon the popular cable network series Digimon: Digital Monsters.
RIKA: I think we all liked it, except for the fact that the tension between
the two main characters this time might have been overdone a little bit.
FIFE: So, what are y'all doing?
JESSE: Well, the title of this particular part of the series was "Flower
Power." The original author said there was an episode of the original TV
show with the same title. So, we're checking it out on the Internet to see
if there are any similarities.
RENAMON: It'll be interesting to find out.
JESSE: Yeah. I got a few websites bookmarked here. [fiddles with computer]
I think this is the one here. [waits a second] Yep, this is it. OK, click
on "Season One" and "Flower Power." [another pause] Ah. Well! This is
interesting.
FIFE: What's it say?
RIKA: Not much.
JESSE: Just that the kids in this particular episode used their Digimon to
begin gathering for one of the bigger battles of the series. [reads a little
more] Oh, and that one of them got captured or something.
RENAMON: Well, at least that tells us that it was nothing like today's
feature.
FIFE: Really? What happened with the one today?
JESSE: Let's see... It began with a battle of wits between the blindly
agressive character and her mother.
CALUMON: Then an evil Digimon appeared and nearly trashed Paris.
RIKA: Then the too-cool action hero guy came along and saved both Paris and
his pretty little teammate.
JESSE: All would have been OK if it hadn't been for the second evil Digimon
that came along.
RENAMON: But he got beaten by a giant flightless bird Digimon that threw
hard fruit with dart tips on them.
FIFE: Sounds interesting. How does that compare to the original TV episode?
JESSE: I kinda remember seeing it a couple years back. Can't really
remember it, but I guess the TV show and this particular episode were
equally good. I sorta quit watching around then, though. I sorta thought
that was about the end of it.
RIKA: It wasn't, was it?
JESSE: Ah, no. According to this, there were ten or fifteen more episodes
after this one.
CALUMON: Oooooohhhhhh...
FIFE: Hey, that was interesting. I suppose I'd better get back out on the
mall, though. Wouldn't want to be remiss in my duties, you know.
JESSE: Yeah. Well, it was nice talking to you again, anyway.
RIKA: Yeah.
[FIFE leaves]
RENAMON: Is he always so odd?
JESSE: Officer Fife? Well, sorta. He's kinda a screwball most of the time,
that much is for sure.
RIKA: We'd better get going ourselvs. It's been fun, though.
RENAMON: Yes, it has.
JESSE: It sure has. This may be expecting a bit much, but you guys are
welcome back any time.
RENAMON: We'll consider it.
[RIKA and RENAMON leave]
JESSE:[takes CALUMON off his head] I suppose you'd better go too, little
fella.
CALUMON: Aw, do I have to?
JESSE: Unfortunately. But hey, if you run into any of the tamers that
happen to be headed this way, come on in with `em. It was a pleasure having
you here.
CALUMON: OK! [starts chasing after RIKA and RENAMON] Wait for me, guys!
Wait for me!
[JESSE waves goodbye]
{{Credits. Outro Music: "Hey There" by Rosemary Clooney}}
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and concept copyright Best Brains, Inc.
Digimon copyright Bandai and Saban.
The Andy Griffith Show copyright CBS Television.
Salor Moon copyright Toei Animation Company.
Godzilla Vs. Megalon copyright Toho Pictures.
The Jerry Springer Show copyright Universal Television.
Batman copyright DC Comics.
Red Dwarf copyright Grant Naylor Productions.
Malice in the Palace copyright Columbia Pictures and/or Three Stooges
Productions.
Sonic the Hedgehog copyright SEGA, DIC, and Archie Comics.
Worms 2 copyright Team 17.
Attack from Mars pinball copyright Bally Entertainment.
Final Fantasy Mystic Quest copyright Squaresoft.
Quantum Leap copyright Belsaruius.
Top Cat copyright Hanna Barbera.
Jay Jay the Jet Plane copyright Jay Jay the Jet Plane Inc.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine copyright Paramount.
Ghostbusters copyright Columbia Pictures, Inc.
Kiwi shoe care products copyright Kiwi, Inc.
"Tubthumping" copyright Chumba Wamba.
"Hey There" by Rosemary Clooney copyright Rosemary Clooney.
Music of Busta Rhymes copyright Busta Rhymes.
Digimon Website of Interest: Digital Spirit at
http://www.hamma.net/digisprit
Website of Interest copyright its current owners/maintainers.
Stringer:
>"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
>
>"None of your business, that's what!"
>
>"How dare you talk to your mother like that!"
>
>"I don't see any mother here, just an over-the-hill tramp!"
>
>"AAARRGGGHHHH!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Like I was saying, the whole “getting creepy with canon characters” thing I've been going on about kind of ends after that first line back in the theater, and I don't recall having gotten into it to quite the same extent again until I did all this. It sneaks in here and there at various points along the way, but not like this. My philosophy on the why of it was, and still is, is that it's generally important and good to be able to call one's self out on this kind of stuff, at least to some extent, when necessary, and I hope I've had at least a little success in checking myself on things like that. As I mentioned at the start of this post, though, self assessment in such areas is not easy even in good times.
Part of the reason it wasn't followed up on in this episode is that the last host segment was a comarison to an actual episode of the real series that happened in the first season with the same title. It was done by request of the original author, whom I was also collaborating with on these MiSTings. It's an ending that I'd give a five out of ten. I'm not sure it's aged particularly well, but then again, I think I can say that of the series as a whole, too. At least the base anime series has aged a little better, and I'm enjoying a second (or possibly thrid) watch on Hulu.
As for the outro theme to the episode, Hey There by Rosemary Clooney, fits with where I was going with a lot of this. It's a reminder that I still need two decades on that I really should be careful about making a fool of myself over fantasies about a fictional character, especially, but also real people, when it applies.
Anyway, I think that should cover what I need and want to cover for this one. As I'm always saying about things like this, hopefully, it won't be so long until the next one of these. Until then, enjoy the show, everybody!
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