MiSTing: Make Good Money At Home

Earlier this week, I made a post about coming across an archive that had a fairly substantial number of my old Mystery Science Theater fan fiction and how it brought back a lot of good old memories. I also said I'd at least consider going through a few of them and maybe repost a few. Since one of the ones I happened to have handy is a relatively short one that I've already had a chance to read, I'm gonna get it up and ready to go.

As the title suggests, this is a junk email I got to what was my AOL email address, I believe, since I still had one of those in the early 2000s. This was a relatively early piece in my career doing MST3k stuff, as I was still using the Sci Fi Channel era cast of the show, although only Mike, Pearl and Observer actually show up here. This was kind of an experimental thing, because I do believe I was considering switching to using my own character for this sort of thing, which is what we've been seeing in the DigiDefenders episodes I've been putting up.

An interesting side note here is that I do believe I actually wrote this on the very first Internet-enabled PC my family ever had. By then, I had sort of “inherited” the unit because my folks had upgraded to a newer for the time machine running Windows 98, rather than the one I was using, which still had Win95 on it. Part of that meant using a productivity suite called MS Works, which is definitely old school by today's standards. As a result, there are artifacts caused by a difference in the way single and double quote marks were encoded in plain text files. Since this is a relatively short one, I'll try to take care of as much of that as I can. There's another, longer one I may put up as well that has the same issue, but I may not be as enthusiastic about correcting it, mostly due to length.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ****************************

Title: Make Good Money at Home
Era: Castle
Category: AD
Author: Jesse Shearer

[Season 9 opening credits]
[Waiting room.  Lights are dim.  Mike stands at the control panel in 
pajamas, looking tired.]
MIKE:[sleepy] Hi, I... I'm Mike Nelson.  The Bots... Bots are on duh... down 
time.  I c... can't sleep.  Could really use a... sleep aid of... some sort. 
  [Pearl's light flashes, Mike pushes]  Pearl?  Is that you?
[Castle Forrester.  Pearl is also dressed in bedclothes.]
PEARL:[somewhat tired] Mike!  What are you doing up this late?  You should 
be getting some rest for tomorrow's project!
[Waiting room]
MIKE:[sleepy] Need... help.  Can't... sleep.
[Castle.  Observer enters to join Pearl]
PEARL:[somewhat tired] OK.  We'll see what we can do.
OBSERVER:[groggy]  Here's a SPAM or something.  Hope it helps, Mike. [uses 
power to send SPAM]
[Waiting room; no lights flash, buzzers sound quietly]
MIKE: I've got... spamsign....
[6......5......4......3......2......1......theater]
[Mike takes second seat in.  He remains groggy throughout the SPAM.]

>From: sunshine4you0112@mail.flashmail.com
>To: sunshine4you0112@mail.flashmail.com

MIKE:[Captain Picard] SPAM.  Listserve style.  One chunk.  Small.

>Subject: Make Good Money at Home

MIKE: Get Caught, Spend Rest of Life in Jail.

>Date: Wed, 3 Jan 2001 22:15:20 -0500 (EST)
>
>Would you like to:
>
>Enjoy the benefits of working at home?
>Build a Financial Future for you and your family?

MIKE: Be annoying?  Make Internet users hate you?

>If you are not making money online... YOU SHOULD BE !!!!
>______________________________________________

MIKE: Feeding me... a line.  Whole SPAM right there...

>
>Income range of $4500- $10000 a Month*
>*(Based on apx. 15-20 hours of work a week)
>

MIKE: As judged by Pyramid Scemes Inc.

>______________________________________________
>
>The money is not in the technical end, IT'S IN THE MARKETING!!!

MIKE: No duh, there.

>Complete training and support.

MIKE: Yeah, right.

>NO SELLING !!!

MIKE: Means... advertising...

>Not a MLM or Network Marketing.

MIKE: ...Uses new technology to... spam...

>______________________________________________
>
>Not a get rich quick scheme

MIKE: Sure it's not.

>Learn to use the power of the Internet
>to generate long term residual income.

MIKE: Realize that you're not only a complete loser, but most likely a 
criminal, too.

>______________________________________________
>
>Requirements:
>15 to 20 hours per week
>18 years of age or older
>Ready to learn (this isn't not rocket science)

MIKE: So, it *is* rocket science, then?

>______________________________________________
>
>Briefly describe why you are looking for a business
>and how long you have been looking.

MIKE: Tell us why you're a complete gimp.

>______________________________________________
>
>Are you are looking to produce supplemental income,
>or build a growth business?

MIKE: No.

>______________________________________________
>
>Reply with your name, address, area code with phone number,
>And the best time to reach you!

MIKE: We'll use it to send you regular junk mail and to calculate when 
you'll be eating dinner so that we can call you then.

>______________________________________________
>
>If you are not serious about making money on the internet_..
>GET SERIOUS!!!
>Or please don't respond...

MIKE: Better yet, just take the “or” out of there.

>______________________________________________
>
>
>///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

MIKE: Oh, great!  I can't sleep and I get a spam with a slash section!

>This Message was Composed using Extractor Pro Bulk E- Mail Software. If
>you wish to be removed from this advertiser's future mailings, please reply
>with the subject "Remove" and this software will automatically block you
>from their future mailings.

MIKE: This function automatically resets every time a new list is put into 
the system.  Please remember to also killfile this address

>///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////>

MIKE: I hope that points to the end and not the *real* slash section.

>

MIKE: Oh, good.  It's over. [gets up and stumbles out of theater]
[1......2......3......4......5......6......Waiting Room.  Lights are still 
dim]

MIKE: Well, I think I can sleep now.  I'm going to bed.  Good night, 
everyone. [Turns to left, attempts to take a step, but falls asleep and hits 
the floor with a thump.]

[Season 9 closing credits]
[Snoring heard over music]

Other Credits
Captain Picard and Star Trek copyright Paramount Pictures.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related material copyright Best Brains, 
Inc. and Sci-Fi Channel.
SPAM copyright Hormel.
No theft of copyrighted material is intended or should be infered by this 
document.
MiSTing author: Jesse Shearer.  Email contact: ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com

Stringer:
>///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>This Message was Composed using Extractor Pro Bulk E- Mail Software. If
>you wish to be removed from this advertiser's future mailings, please reply
>with the subject "Remove" and this software will automatically block you
>from their future mailings.
>///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////>

****************************** +++++++++++++++++++++++++

Why these ones are the ones that are a confidence booster for me, I'm not sure, but here we are.

Another interesting thing about finding the archive I mentioned at the top was that I also found the one time I know of that my own work got riffed on by someone else without my letting my own ego get in the way. I may try to get ahold of the person who did it, just to see if I can, and if so, if they're OK with my reposting it here. I'll say now that failing to do so may not stop me from going ahead anyway, as may be proven by other entries like this that could very easily come up in the near future as well.

Hopefully, I'll have something a little newer and fresher up soon, too. See you soon, folks!