MiSTing Repost: CGYC Upgraded To Buy

I'm finally getting back to reposting some of my old Mystery Science Theater stuff. It's not the Digimon thing that was my big thing from my fan version of the concept, but it's something. All I can say is that it's hardly my best entry on that front, but it does demonstrate why I switched to a fan-character version of the idea rather than full-on fanfic versions with the characters from the show as it was in the late 1990s.

This first went live on a site called Web Site Number Nine, which was an archive for things like this, in late 2000 or early 2001.

Otherwise, I think I'll just let this one speak for itself below the jump.

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[jump]

Title: CGYC Upgraded to Buy
Era: Season 9+
Category: SPAM/Advertising email
Original Author: MileHigh PR
MiSTing Author: Jesse Shearer; email: ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com


[Season Nine opening titles]

[SOL waiting room; Mike and the Bots discuss investing]

MIKE: You know, guys, I was just thinking that mabey I should put some cash away into savings or something so that you two don't blow it all before we get back to Earth.
SERVO: Sounds like a good idea.  How about investing it in the stock market?
MIKE: I wouldn't even know where to begin.  Besides, I'd use a broker for that sorta thing, and I don't really want to pay commission.
CROW: Pearl showed me an email about a stock you could invest in all on your own.
MIKE: I don't know.  It sounds kinda risky, taking stock advice from Pearl...
SERVO: So's leaving your money to us, Mike.
MIKE: I guess it's worth a shot.  [Pushes Pearl's light] Pearl?
[Castle Forrester]
PEARL: I heard your little discussion.  I guess I could share one of my little stock secrets with you.  Here goes... [Sets down email message, just off screen]
[SOL, lights and buzzers going off]
MIKE: We've got investment sign!!!
[doors: 6...5...4...3...2...1...theater]

>From: "MileHigh PR (CGYC) Upgraded" <Milehighpr@aol.com>

CROW: Oh, oh!  He's "Upgraded!"

>To: <ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com>
>Subject: CGYC Upgraded to Buy

SERVO: Well!  Good for them!
MIKE: It is, actually.

>Date: Mon, 10 Jul 2000 13:40:45
>
>Mile High PR of Westminster, CO has just found information out about this
>wonderful growing company.

SERVO: What is it?

>  This may be one of the greatest opportunities of a
>lifetime to get in early on.  Carnegie International Corporation (OTC BB CGYC)

CROW: What does that mean?
MIKE: It's the stock's market symbol, I think.

> is
>a Company to watch. Since its shares resumed trading on the 9th of May (the
>Company had been on a trading halt for just over one year which it claims was
>due to its former auditors Grant Thornton who it has sued in Maryland. We
>expect the Company to settle this with a winfall of at least $50 million dollars
>next year)

SERVO: What if they fail?

> the Company has announced the following very positive news that
>has not been recognized in its stock price yet.

MIKE: Well, if it's only just been announced, of course it hasn't!

> These significant developments
>should create shareholder value and long term recurring revenues.

MIKE: Well, that is sorta the point of investing.

> They report a
>44% increase in first quarter revenues, from 1999 of 3.5 million to 2000 first
>quarter revenue of over 5.1 million.  With the addition of two new outside Board
>Members, Steven R. Wood, a 14-year former veteran software architect at
>Microsoft and William M. Reffett, president of Reffett & Associates, LTD, a
>Seattle-based executive search and retail-consulting firm.

MIKE: Wow.  A sentence fragment in their advertising message.
SERVO:[sarcastically] I'm sold.

>  The completed
>acquisition of Federation of Associated Health Systems of San Antonio, TX,
>should add $1.5 million dollars in additional cash flow over the next 12 months.
>They have been named an authorized distributor of Ameritech in the Midwest,
>which should generate at least $1 million in revenue in the first year of the
>agreement. The Company also announced another agreement with RoomLinX for
>high-speed Wireless Internet access for Hotels and Hospitals where the
>Company provides billing and clearing services to over 150,000 hotel and
>hospital rooms.

CROW: Oh, nice.  Stiff `em twice. Once for either hospital service or hotel room and then for `Net access.

> The Company expects $15 million in revenue during the first 2
>years of this agreement. We have also leaned that the Company is now beta
>testing its newest release of its voice activated auto-attendant and voice mail
>product with unified messaging called MAVIS.

MIKE: Hey, one of the characters from MTV's MAVIS AND MUTTHEAD show!
CROW and SERVO:[forced laugh]

> This product is the answer to the
>push-button nightmare of business phone systems.

CROW: Is it, now?

> We believe that Steve
>Wood will have very positive impact on this release with his Microsoft
>background. The product, as the speech market grows should have a great
>impact on the Companies revenue and earnings.  We feel this stock is very under
>valued compared to similar companies in the same field.  We wouldn't be surprised
>to see this stock at $3.75 by December of 2000.  Very rarely do we see such a
>strong value in a fast growing company.

MIKE: Boy, they're really hawking those strong points, aren't they?
SERVO: Yeah.
CROW: I'd say.

>  Now you understand why I wanted to
>share this with everybody I could find.

MIKE: Uh, no.  I don't.  But then, fancy words and big numbers never really have impressed me.

>  This pick could make your Christmas a
>Jolly one.  Hey if you don't believe anything you just read, wait a few months
>and watch the stock start to grow.

ALL:[Three Stooges "Men In Black" style] We Will!

>
>
>Slade Laner

CROW: Now *there's* a name I'd trust.

>Research Investor Specialist

SERVO: OK, so how's that different from a "Stock Analyist?"

>Mile High PR
>Westmister, CO
>
>

CROW: And that's all there is.
MIKE:[picking up Servo so they can leave] I guess.
[All exit theater]
[doors: 1...2...3...4...5...6...waiting room]
CROW: So, what did you think, Mike?
MIKE: I think I'll just pass on this one.  And the whole stock market thing altogether.
SERVO: That's what I'd do.
MIKE: Yeah, I was just thinking a savings account or a certificate of deposit.
CROW: Well, those are good options, too, if you can get the right interest rates, I guess.
[Pearl's light flashes]
MIKE: Pearl's calling. [taps light]
[Castle Forrester]
PEARL:[becoming visibly hurt and then angry as she speaks] So, opting out, are you?  Fine.  Fine!  There goes my commission.  I guess I won't be able to afford better experiments for you.  And there go Bobo's visits to the animal clinic.  But have it your way, Mike.  Don't buy in.  I'll just have to find more SPAM for you.  Have it your way.
[SOL]
MIKE: Sorry, Pearl.  It's just that some other form of savings or investment would be better for me, that's all...
[scene fades to a second of black, then the Season 9 end credits.]

Email Credits:
Original author: MileHigh PR
Email copyright: MileHigh PR
MiST Author: Jesse Shearer
Author's email contact: ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com
Mystery Science Theater 3000 copyright Best Brains Inc. and Sci Fi Channel.  No copyright infractions are intended or should be infered as a result of this document.  It is intended as entertainment only.


STRINGER:
With the addition of two new outside Board Members, Steven R. Wood, a 14-year former veteran software architect at Microsoft and William M. Reffett, president of Reffett & Associates, LDT, a Seattle-based executive search and retail-consulting firm.

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So yeah, not my best work on this front, but still trying to get some content out here. Have a good rest of your weekend.