MiSTing: Yellow Submarine

So, here’s something I haven’t done it awhile. I’m reposting an old MiSTing I found in the archived files from Web Site Number Nine. Unfortunately, it’s not the Digimon stuff I’d been doing before, but it is one I could have sworn I had put up here before. Thought I had it in my other files, but I guess not.

I think this may have been one of the ones that inspired me to start using a partner character for my own main, as well as the “bandwidth wasters” theme based on the Turner Classic Movies One Reel Wonders theme. This was a short one trying to “sell” supposedly legal alternatives to various sorts of uppers without saying what exactly they were selling, instead relying more on stoner lingo and slang than anything to make sales.

The host segments were meant as something of a parody of a parody of the commercials for International Correspondence School that Sally Struthers was famous for in the mid- to late 1980s. It’s one of those things that stuck with those of us who saw them as kids and teens back then.

I’m doing this as one big piece because it’s too short to break up.

+++++++ ####### ********* @@@@@@@@ $$$$$$$

Title: Yellow Submarine.
Original Author: Unknown
MiSTing Author: Jesse Shearer, email: ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com
Era: None/nonstandard
Category: Ad

[Setting: the same theater as the Digidefenders MiSTings, set up to look 
like the commercials for the correspondence school Sally Struthers used to 
advertise.  JESSE stands behind the snack counter, looking half wired.]

JESSE: Do you like needlessly wasting other people's bandwith simply to 
satisfy your own impish whims?  Of course.  We all do.  That's why I'm 
bringing you this little half-reel wonder.  It's a painfully familiar email 
spam called Yellow Submarine.  It's about...  Well, you'll recognise it when 
you see it.  And by the way, this presentation has been brought to you by 
Mr. Fat Guy's Happy Happy Hallucinogenic Tea.  Drink up and enjoy the show!

[JESSE enters theater and takes seat near center of row]

>Subj:Yellow Submarine.

JESSE:[singing] We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine...  We 
all live in a yellow submarine...

>Date:1/26/03 8:12:53 PM Central Standard Time
>From:chercurl@hotmail.com
>To:douglasmc@aol.com
>Sent from the Internet (Details)
>
>
>
>Renegade Botanicals...Offering
>  The World's Finest, Most Potent,    Legal Toke 'n' Toot Alternatives!

JESSE: That are sure to leave you tokin' and tootin' all day!

>
>********************************************
>HARD ECONOMY CUSTOMER APPRECIATION EVENT:

JESSE: Get the word "economy" out of there, and that's exactly the kind of 
customers they appreciate, if you get my drift.

>
>2 for 1 or 20% off; on all "Smoka" Products. ( Only for a limited time!!! )
>********************************************
>
>For Your Absolutely Legal Delight & Pleasuring!  The BEST EVER!!

JESSE: Yeah, right.  That's what you've said in the other three million of 
these, too.

>(You must be 21 Years of age)

JESSE: But what about those of us who are older than that?

>        SATISFACTION GUARANTEED
>
>SWEET TREAT MENU:

JESSE: Cookies, candy, chocolate, sugar...

>
>1.) CHEN CHEN HERBA:

JESSE:[train whistle] Whoo whoo!

>                 Very mellow, uplifting and happy; just a few draws of 
> >Sensitive Smoke. Clean, loose-leaf; Roll it or bowl it!! (pipe included) 
> >2oz...$75.00

JESSE: Well, at least you get the pipe with it.

>
>2.) TONGA TAI BRICK:  Solid amalgamation of high-ratio; 
>strike->alchemized,(brickened & kiffened)

JESSE: So how do you bricken and kiffen something, anyway?

>                               exoticas. Indeed a Sensitive/Responsive 
>pipe->smoking substance.

JESSE: Oh sure.

>             Just a pinch Smokes a long, long way.  A most significant 
>remedy.

JESSE: For what?

>                    Absolutely a depressive/regressive!!! (pipe included) 
>2oz.brick...$115.00
>

JESSE: Oh, yeah.  Really on the cheap there.

>3.) TONGA TAI HAPPY DROPS:

JESSE: Hey, that sounds alot like *my* product!

>                     A breakthrough!!! Liquid Toke for the non-smoker. 
>Under >the tongue or in juice.  70+ servings. 2oz. dropper bottle...$115.00

JESSE: Shouldn't this be more expensive than the solid form?

>
>4.) LASCIVIOUS EROTOMANIA APHRODISIA DROPS:

JESSE: Boing!

>                                        Promotes both physical & 
>psychological >Desire & Uninhibitedness. For men & women!!!

JESSE: Now there's my kind of product!

>                                                Under the tongue or in 
>juice.  >45+ servings. 1 oz. dropper bottle...$90.00
>
>5.) HARMONY SNOOT:

JESSE: Well, hey, if Harmony's getting uppity, maybe I should give her some 
of the previous product.

>            An inhalant powder originally designed to help end cocaine and 
> >methamphetamine dependencies.

JESSE: The hell...?  How did these people get ahold of it, then?

>                                 Very psychologically uplifting, very 
>mood->enhancing, very multi-level (body-mind-spirit) energizing. 
>Non-invasive!!! Just >a little row is all you need...3 dry oz. bottle (well 
>over 600 servings) >(includes glass snooter)...$85.00

JESSE: And you don't even need a prescription, folks!

>
>           ************************************
>
>6.) OOH LA LA...INTRO OFFER...

JESSE: Directly from France!

>                                       Everything Above for...$210.00
>                 (Reg. Price...$480.00)
>                     ************************************

JESSE: Start *seeing* stars!

>TO ORDER/MORE INFO please call 1 (719) 661-3442 during normal business 
>hours.

JESSE: Meaning between the hours of midnight and two in the morning, 
Phillipines time.

>All orders shipped next day via; U.S. Priority Mail.

JESSE:[Culligan commercial] Hey, Postal Inspector Man!

>                                 Please add $7.00 S & H to all orders. All 
> >credit cards accepted. Thank you for your wonderful attention!!!!

JESSE:[hums circus music]

>God Bless...

JESSE:[Spammer] ...any idiot dumb enough to fall for this line.

>
>           ************************************
>
>
>
>
>
>
>___________________________________________________
>
>PLEASE NOTE: Your e mail address has been generated by an opt-in or an 
> >affiliate structured address program. If you have received this message 
>in >error or wish to be removed from this list; please

JESSE:[Spammer] ...buy our stuff anyway.  Then we can talk about removing 
you from our lists.  Maybe.

>          click on the unsubscribe option or call the number listed to be 
> >removed.

JESSE: Right after we trick you into ordering our most expensive product.

>                     We do not condone any Spam

JESSE: Not even the famous pork product?

>                          We thank you for your kind attention and wish you 
>a >splendid day!

JESSE: Yeah, right.

>
>___________________________________________________
>
>To be removed from future mailings click Reply, type Remove as your Subject 
> >and click Send

JESSE:[Spammer] This will confirm that you have an active email address for 
us to spam.

>
>
>qzax czv

JESSE: And it's over.
[JESSE exits theater.]

[Lobby, same getup as the opening segment]
JESSE: Did that sufficiently waste the bandwith promised?  I know I'll live 
to regret it, but hey, it was fun.  Thanks for taking the ten minutes to 
read this.  Oh, and one more thing. [sets a tea service on the counter] This 
production was brought to you by Mr. Fat Guy's Happy Happy Hallucinagenic 
Tea.  This tea is produced from the finest moldy teabags, cultured in dirty 
paper cups filled with used facial tissue and stored in my friend Bill's 
furnace room. [pours a mugfull] Guaranteed to bring about the most bizzare 
hallucinations you've ever had.  Enjoy! [takes a sip, tenses up, and then 
collapses]
[Fade to credits]

{{Credits.  Music: Mega Man ROBO Voice by Joe Redifer}}

[Starring]
Jesse Shearer as JESSE (himself)

[Music]
"Yellow Submarine" perfomed by the Beatles
"Mega Man ROBO Voice" based on music from Capcom's Mega Man 2 and remixed by 
Joe Redifer

[Website]
Overclocked Remix Unofficial Game Music Arrangement Community
        http://remix.overclocked.org/index.php

[General]
That correspondence school Sally Struthers used to advertise copyright 
itself
Mystery Science Theater concept copyright Best Brains
This version by Jesse Shearer, email: ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com
Spam (the pork product) produced by Hormel
Culligan Water Treatment copyright Culligan Co.
Mega Man Copyright Capcom
Digimon copyright Bandai
Digidefenders by Phantom 1
The email copyright its sender

Stringer:
>We do not condone any Spam

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I remember doing another one of these kind of like this that actually said what some of the actual plants and things were that they were selling and mentioned what they were supposed to do. I can’t remember if I did that one when I was still using the official Best Brains characters or if it was later on with my original character seen here.

The bit at the end is based on something that I actually did once in college. The part of it I remember the clearest is that I’d saved a bunch of old tea bags in a paper cup I’d brought back to my dorm room from one of the campus food service locations, and after having left it sit on the window sill for a few days, I made what could very easily been the fatal mistake of making a mug tea with it and drinking it. Now, fortunately for me, at least, I’m still here to tell the story. Had some messed up dreams from doing it, and that alone is enough to make me recommend against doing such a thing, let alone the fact that it could have gone so much worse than it actually did in so many ways. Needless to say, it’s a “don’t do this at home or anywhere else” sort of thing.

What inspired me to do this instead of some of the other stuff I mentioned in my previous post is that one of the streamers I watch does a lot of VRChat on her stream, and she’s got a Renamon model she uses sometimes now. That got me to thinking about how I should maybe get back to these, and what better to start with than one of the ones that shows that my OC really did need a partner, kind of like the Tenth Doctor on Doctor Who?

But I think this is where I’m going to wrap this up for now. I’m sure I’ll have something else up before too much longer. Until then, see you soon.