Monday, April 1, 2013

TEXT PLAY: Lufia and the Fortress of Doom (Taito, SNES 1993): Issue #01: Men In Tights


But we'll get to that in due time, of course.

This game actually begins with the final battle. In this case, the final battle is between the Sinistrals and four heroes named Maxim, Guy, Artea and Selan. This scenario is meant to set up the premise for the game proper. As such, the player party is leveled way up, with everybody having their levels in the high 70s, and they're all set to go up one more level on the way to the main event. Since there are random battles on the way to the fight, that does happen. Not that it's necessary, really, since I suspect they would have been able to kick the bad guys' asses easily enough either way.

After the four Sinistrals, Daos, Erim, Amon, and Gedes, are beaten in turn, they decide that they'll blow up the world by merging their life forces instead of letting the good guys win. Of course, the heroes balls up and do the same to stop the villains. Sadly, Selan is morally wounded as a result, and she and Maxim are separated from Guy and Artea when the titular Fortress of Doom begins to collapse. Maxim tells his comrades to escape and tell the world that the Sinistrals have been defeated and the world is safe, and once they do, Selan says she just wants to hold her child one last time in this new world of peace. I take it to mean that this child was fathered by Maxim because well...

When we cut to 90 years later, there's this little boy with bright red hair like Maxim's who's always getting into crazy adventures and helping those in need coming home to somebody he addresses as Roman, who expresses concern about this. Partway through their chat, a shy little girl shows up, and tells the boy, our hero, who I've once again given my own name, that her name is Lufia and she just wants a playmate. Jesse obliges her and we jump ahead another nine years.

Jesse and Lufia are now in their late teens or early twenties, as Jesse's a trainee in the Kingdom of Alekia's knight brigade and Lufia works as Roman's assistant at the inn. This time, we see Jesse getting a touch upset that there's no training that day, so he goes from the knights' base in the village to find Lufia in a flower bed. Lufia's all happy that her favorite flowers are blooming, since they almost never do. They chat for awhile before going back to the inn so that Lufia can make some of her famous cinnamon tea and cinnamon pie because Jesse mentioned how good it was. As she works, Jesse overhears some guys at the inn saying that there's rumors of a big attack on the castle in the neighboring Kingdom of Sheran but there's no way to find out because the general public isn't equipped for it and the knights are all pussies. Of course, Jesse, being our hero and all, takes exception to that and starts digging into the matter.

In the course of things, he finds out that he's the only one there with half a testicle and heads off to Sheran to see what the deal is. Naturally, it turns out that the rumors are true, as they usually are in games like this, and when Jesse gets back, Lufia is pissed about it. She says it's about the tea and pie, but it's a thin pretense because it's obvious that she's mad that the hero went into a dangerous situation alone. In the guy's defense, he didn't really know it was dangerous until he got there.

Of course, when Jesse goes to tell his unit commander and the king, the best he gets is a “You do it because I'm defending the country” from the king. The head knight says they won't even start talking about doing something until the real head of the knights gets back from a trip to someplace called Lorbinia. Since that won't be for another week, and the second in command has pretty much said that it'll be like this classic Atop the Fourth Wall sketch, Jesse just decides to man up again and have a run at the problem himself.

I would usually have bought myself some better armor and weapons before leaving again, but I must admit, rather ashamedly, that I got myself killed not once but twice on the way back to Alekia from Sheran. The good news is that this isn't one of those games that makes you start over when you die, but the bad news is that it's one of those where it takes half your money and puts you “somewhere safe” if you screw up to that extent.

With that in mind, and the bit of knowledge of what's to come I've got from repeated playthroughs, I guess it makes good sense that I chose a Bon Jovi song for the segue to the next issue, because this time I really am Livin' on a Prayer.

See you then, folks!

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