Well, here we are, episode five of that Mystery Science Theater thing for that Digimon fan series I've been putting up here every so often. As I'm sure I've mentioned a time or two, there was meant to be a storyline in my MST3K fan series, mostly aparent in the Digimon series, but also in a few others that I've also reposted along the way. This time around, I had Leomon and my character dress up as Dalton Humphrey and Red Green, respectively, as a way to make us look different, even though there really wasn't much need, all things considered.
The specific reason, in this case, was because the guys behind The Red Green Show had made a movie called Duct Tape Forever and I was looking for a way to work it into what I was writing at the time. Of course, being a fan of Red Green kinda helped either way, and I'm sure I've done something like it eventually.
It might be of interest that this was certainly not my first bit of more or less Red Green fan fiction. A few years before I'd written a pair of “fan-script” style stories where Red and the gang wound up having adventures with the casts of cartoon shows I was watching at the time. I'm sure I'll mention where I've got those posted at some point, if I haven't already.
This will be another three-parter, since it breaks up well enough for that. This will also be the second time I've posted it here as well. The last time, I'd found a copy of it by itself on an old flopy, not expecting to find the rest of the series. Since I have, this will be more about the history and context around it than I may have previously. That last time, I mentioned before that my all-time favorite joke and favorite host segment are in this one. Both are closer to the end, though. For now, however, let's get started, shall we?
######## ******** ######## ******** ######## *******
Title: Digimon: Digidefenders: Episode 5: The Great Escape/Ringside Seats for
Vicaralamon's Battle
Original Author: Phantom 1
MiSTing Author: Jesse Shearer; email: ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com
Category: Anime
Era: Nonstandard/JMST3K
[Lobby. JESSE stands in front of the snack counter, dressed in a light green
hat, a plad flannel shirt, and tan pants held up by both a belt and a pair of
red and green suspenders instead of his usual teeshirt and bluejeans.]
JESSE:[faked rough voice] Well, folks, it's that time again. Episode Five of
that Digimon series I've been showing has arrived. [Looks down and remembers the
costume] If you're wondering why I'm dressed different than usual and faking the
voice, I heard that Leomon and Jeri were coming by later today, so I thought I'd
do a Red Green impression to protect myself from Renamon. That is, if she's
around...
[LEOMON enters, with his "mane" sticking up in several places. Instead of *his*
normal look, he's wearing a dark green pullover sweater over a white shirt with
a tie tucked into the sweater; and some black slacks]
LEOMON: When does the show start?
JESSE:[returns to normal voice] Soon as Jeri shows up. That's a... that's a new
look for you, isn't it, Leomon?
LEOMON: I was going to say the same to you. I hear Rika and Renamon are here
today, so I thought I'd try a disguise to help keep Renamon from beating you up
again.
JESSE: Looks like we watch the same television shows. You decided on Dalton
Humphries and I went more for the Red Green look.
LEOMON: I guess so.
JESSE: So, where *is* Jeri, anyway?
LEOMON: She's with Rika and Renamon. They were all chatting with some guys on
the local pro basketball team.
JESSE: Jeri, I'd believe, but when it comes to Rika and Renamon acting like
that, I'll believe it when I see it.
[JERI, RIKA and RENAMON pass in front of the lobby window with three tall men in
basketball uniforms.]
LEOMON: Told you so.
JESSE: Well then... Should we wait for them?
LEOMON: Nah. They said they'd be going to dinner with their new friends.
JESSE: Sounds good. Today's feature is Episode Five of the Digimon series I've
been showing lately. I guess there are details at the start of the film.
[The double doors open and reveal JESSE in the second seat in the row and LEOMON
at the end. They are as easily identified by either their hat or hair
respectively.]
>Digimon: Digidefenders
>
>Episode 5: The Great Escape/Ring-Side Seats for Vikaralamon's battle.
LEOMON: Yeah, I heard about that. Guilmon sure likes to talk sometimes.
JESSE: I wouldn't be supprised.
>
>At the Digidefender Headquarters, the entire control room was in an uproar!
Strange >blue portals started opening up all over the world.
JESSE:[Babylon 5's Sinclair] Oh my god! It's a trap! Michell!
LEOMON: Huh?
JESSE: The Earth/Minbari War.
LEOMON: Could be worse, though.
JESSE: How so?
LEOMON: This could be a Pokemon/Digimon crossover.
JESSE Good point.
>
>"Triangulate the source of the energy wave," the Commander ordered.
JESSE: What the...? Jumpgates enough to fill the sky and they're tracking energy
waves?
>
>"Source triangulated. Central Shinjuku. The Sakiyuchi Building."
>
>The Commander cursed. "That stupid son of a... He has gone too far this time.
LEOMON: *Who* has gone too far?
JESSE: *He* has.
> Alert >Chi and Shinji immediately!"
>
>"Yes, ma'am."
>
>The Commander sat down in her command chair. {Yamaki, you fool,} she thought.
>{Don't you see that by trying to rectify the situation, you're only making it
worse. >Stubborn arrogant...}
>
>"Commander." It was Chi on the view screen. She was contacting from Beijing.
>"What is wrong?"
>
>"I think there are going to be a couple of crossovers in Japan. Shinji will
need your >help."
JESSE:[Commander] Oh yes, and the Minbari Invasion Fleet has reached Earth.
We're all going to die. But that's for someone else to wory about.
>
>Shinji's face came on a view screen next to Chi's. "Commander, something screwy
is >happening over here."
>
>"We're aware of that, Shinji.
JESSE:[Shinji] Wait... You're aware that the Sci-Fi Channel just made three good
TV movies in a row?
LEOMON: They did?
JESSE: Don't I wish. But it would count as screwy if it actually happened.
> Leave your computer on. Chi will be there to asssist you."
>
>"Uh... sure." Their faces disappeared.
>
>The Commander absentmindedly rubbed the back of her neck. This was getting out
of >hand. What would it take to convince him that what he's doing is harming
Earth more >than helping it?
LEOMON: Shinji or Yamaki?
>
>"Ma'am," a technician called. It was the same one who asked if she was going to
take >care of Frigimon when he crossovered. "Crossover detected in Japan.
Whatever it is, >it's huge."
>
>{Blast. I don't think that the Digidefenders are ready for such big a task.}
>
>
>
>Shinji paced up and down his room. He never thought he hear himself think these
>words. He was waiting for a girl. Sure, she was coming out of a computer from
one >continent over, but still... How would his mother react if he saw him with
an eight year >old girl in his room?
JESSE: Probably not as badly as mine would.
LEOMON: True, but then, you're at least ten years older than he is.
>
>His computer screen suddenly began glowing. Chi fell out and onto the ground.
JESSE:[sarcastic] No, she fell out and landed on the ceiling.
>
>"You okay?" Shinji asked as he helped her up.
>
>"Yeah, I'm fine. I just wish there was a better way to travel."
>
>"You could always try flying."
LEOMON:[Chi] I *did*.
>
>"Not funny."
>
>There was a knock on Shinji's door. "Shinji? Is everything all right? I thought
I heard >some sort of crashing noise."
JESSE:[Shinji] Just booting up Windows XP, mom! Nothing to worry about!
>
>Shinji paniced. "Oh God, it's my Mom. If she sees you here, she's going to have
>Gatomon! What to do, what to do, what to do... quick, into the closet!" Shinji
pushed >her inside and shut the door just as his mother came in.
JESSE: For her sake, I hope it's bigger than *my* closet.
>
>"Shinji, are you all right?"
>
>"J... Just f... fine, Mom. Nothing wrong."
LEOMON: You know, I think he's a bit nervous.
>
>His mother gave him a skeptic look. "Are you sure? You're hiding something, I
can >tell."
>
>"Me? No, no, no, no, nothing, I'm hiding nothing."
JESSE: Now, is that any way to refer to one of your friends?
>
>"Is that so?" Shinji's mother eyed the closet. She forced her way past
>him and up to the closet. Shinji covered his face with his hands and braced for
the
>onslaught.
>
JESSE: He's an ostrich.
>Shinji's mother threw open the closet door.
LEOMON: As if she knew what were in store.
>
>The only things she saw were old clothes and school books piled on the ground.
JESSE: Kinda like mine.
>
>It was a good thing Shinji's mother didn't look at the door, Chi was hanging
off a hook >on it.
>
>"Sorry, Shinji, I thought you were hiding one of those play magazines of
Hishimama."
LEOMON: What's wrong with theater magazines?
JESSE: I think that's aimed more at Playboy magazine.
LEOMON: I don't think I've ever heard of that one.
JESSE: Be glad. You don't want to know.
>
>Shinji took a deep breath, the first one in over five minutes. His Mom didn't
see Chi. >He couldn't believe his luck. He was spared the full wraith.
JESSE: The *wraith*? He's living with an evil spirit?
LEOMON: I'd hate to live with even *part* of one of those.
JESSE: Then again, it *does* sometimes help to have an evil spirit or two
around. Just for emergencies, of course
>
>Shinji's mother closed the door behind her. She thought she heard a thump, like
>something falling, but dismissed it as clothes or school books.
>
>"Don't worry, Mom, I'm not hiding anything legal."
LEOMON: Poor choice of words there.
JESSE: Hey, Leomon. "Where's Waldo?" time. I see a few naughty magazines under
his desk.
LEOMON: I see an illegal immigrant hiding behind the bed.
JESSE: And there goes an Enron executive out the window.
LEOMON: Plus it looks like he's got some sort of science equipment lined up
between the bed and the dresser.
>
>"All right. I'll see you later." Shinji's mother turned and left the room.
>
>Shinji quickly shut his door again and opened the closet door. Chi was lying on
the >ground.
>
>"Sorry about that," he said as he let her out.
>
>"Don't worry about it, most excitement I had in weeks."
>
>"Oh, Shinji," his mother called from outside the room. Again, they panicked.
Shinji >threw Chi on the bed and covered her with blankets.
JESSE: I know panic can drive a person to do some pretty silly things, but isn't
a bit soon to be killing her?
> With instructions to stay still, he >dove for his computer chair just as his
mother came in.
>
>"I forgot why I came in here in the first place. Don't go outside today. The
>government's declared a state of emergency, something about a large pig
downtown."
>
JESSE:[Shinji] Officer Smith's finally gonna explode, huh?
LEOMON:[Shinji's mom] Well, the doctors *did* warn him to go on a diet.
>"Really?" Shinji asked, actually concerned.
>
>"Yeah, the government asks everybody to stay in doors until the military has a
chance to >engage the... whatever is out there."
LEOMON: Can't blame `em for trying, I guess.
JESSE: Hardly. But who's going to stay in a door all night?
>
>"Sure, Mom, no problem." And his Mom left again. Shinji took another deep
breath. >Chi lifted herself out of the covers.
>
>"This is insane," she commented.
>
>"Yeah, we've been spending more time avoiding my Mother than engaging the
>Digimon."
JESSE:[to Shinji] Well, yes. You've spent the whole *TWO MINUTES* you've been
together avoiding your mom.
>
>"Shinji." Speak of the devil. Chi covered herself again as Shinji's mother came
in. >"Dinner'll be late tonight, just thought I warn you."
>
>"Right."
JESSE:[Shinji] By the way, what's for dinner, Mom?
LEOMON:[Shinji's mom] Sweet and sour pork.
>
>Shinji's mother eyed the bed. "And how many times must I tell you to make your
bed."
>
>"Sorry."
>
>And she left again, this time for good.
JESSE: Finally.
>
>"How are we going to get out now?" Chi asked.
LEOMON: Walking?
>
>"I've been thinking about that. Follow me." Shinji and Chi snuck out of his
room and >down the hall to his parents' room. Adjacent to the bedroom was a
balcony. Shinji >opened the door. He pointed downward to the balcony below them.
>
>"The lady downstairs is always out. We'll just drop down to that balcony and go
out the >door."
>
>"Are you insane, Shinji? I can't jump that far."
JESSE:[Shinji/"The Lone Gunmen"'s Langley] I'm insane in the brain, baby!
>
>"Don't worry. Just hang off the ledge and jump down. Easy as falling off a
log."
>
>"Or a balcony," Chi said. "All right, all right." Chi climbed over the
banister. She >lowered herself until her feet were dangling from the balcony.
Taking a few swings, >she leaped onto the balcony, falling on her butt.
>
>"You okay?" Shinji called from above.
>
>"Yeah.
JESSE:[Chi] Just broke both my legs!
> Hurry." Shinji followed Chi's movements. Unfortunately, he missed it. If Chi
>hadn't caught his arm in time, he would've been seriously hurt.
>
>When Chi hauled him onto the balcony, Shinji smiled sheepishly.
LEOMON: Either Chi's buffer than she looks or Shinji's really light.
> "Well, it seem to >work in practice runs. Come on, we might be the only ones
with enough power to stop >him."
LEOMON:[sarcastic] Right. Two kids whose Digimon are cards most of the time are
going to be able to beat the toughest Deva this far in the series.
>
>Shinji and Chi left the apartment and the overall building.
>
>"My D-4 is already picking out several Digimon signatures," Chi said. "Follow
me." >Although Shinji could've just used his own D-4, he followed the Chinese
girl through >town.
JESSE: Boy, "cute couples" all over in this series.
>
>They were coming close to the source. They could tell because of the shaking
going on.
LEOMON:[singing] There's a whole lotta shakin' goin' on...
>
>As they came to the end of a street, the Digimon walked by. He was huge. A huge
pig.
>
>Chi froze. "Shinji... what... what is he?"
LEOMON: What? She doesn't know a huge pig when she sees one?
JESSE: Sounds like Chi's brain must run some equivalent of Windows 95 on it.
>
>"Don't know, let me check." Shinji stared at his D-4. That's weird, I'm getting
nothing." >Shinji tried pressing some buttons but still nothing. Finally there
was a beeping sound.
JESSE: A few seconds later, Shinji realized that he'd set his Digivice to
"self-destruct mode."
>
>------------------Digimon--------------------------------------Database-----------------------
>
>Name: Vikaralamon
>Level: Ultimate
>Type: Deva
>Attribute: Vaccine
>Attack: Boar Bomb, Fusion Ball
>
>Shinji: Got something, finally. Vikaralamon. He an ultimate level Digimon. I
don't know what makes him so horrible, his attacks or his smell.
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>"It's so big," Chi gasped.
JESSE: Uh... No comment
LEOMON:[whistles for a few seconds]
> "Shinji, I don't think we can handle an ultimate."
>
>"I think you're right, let's tell the Commander."
>
>Shinji spoke into his D-4. "Hello? Commander? We have a problem!"
>
>"What is it?" Came the voice back.
>
>"It's Vikaralamon. He's gigantic and he's tearing up buildings like nothing. We
won't be >able to handle this."
>
JESSE:[Shinji] Vikaralamon's going like stink.
LEOMON: Vikaralamon *is* stink.
>"All right, hang on. I'll alert the rest of the Digidefenders."
>
>"Thanks, Commander."
>
>"Um... Shinji, look." Three other creatures were facing down with Vikaralamon.
One >was a gold-plated Digimon that looked like the cross between a rabbit and a
dog.
JESSE: Rapidmon is *gold*? He sure looked *green* to me.
LEOMON: Nope, he's gold.
JESSE: It's moments like this that make me think I might actually have inherited
my grandfather's colorblindness.
>Another was what appeared to be a fox in magician's robes. The third was a
large >robotic-looking dinosaur with huge arm blades.
>
>"Chi, use the D-4 to identify them."
>
JESSE:[Chi] Make me!
>"Okay."
>
>------------------Digimon--------------------------------------Database-----------------------
>
>Name: Rapidmon
>Level: Ultimate/Armored
>Type: Cyborg Digimon
>Attribute: Vaccine
>Attack: Tri-Beam, Rapid Fire, Miracle Missile
>
>Shinji: Let's see, the yellow-plated one is Rapidmon. But I'm not sure if this
is the >armored version or the ultimate version.
JESSE: Well, don't look at me...
>
>
>
>Name: Taomon
>Level: Ultimate
>Type: Demon Man Digimon
>Attribute: Data
>Attack: Talisman of Light, Thousand Spells, Talisman Spell, Talisman Star
>
>Chi: Taomon, another ultimate-level Digimon. She has magical powers.
LEOMON: Right. Spells powerfull enough to take out most Digimon in one hit, and
all you can say about Taomon is "She's magical"?
JESSE: I believe that was "She has magical powers."
LEOMON: Same difference.
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Shinji growled frusteratedly. "I can't get anything on Robo-saur. It's like he
doesn't >even exist."
JESSE: Well, that's because up untill sometime earlier this month, he didn't.
>
>"He kind of looks like Metal Greymon," Chi commented.
>
>Shinji sighed. "I wish it was him. Well, I know one thing. He certainly doesn't
like >Vikaralamon." It was true. The look the red creature was giving was enough
to scare >anybody. Anybody but Vikaralamon.
>
>Suddenly Shinji's D-4 started beeping. He looked at it and words came onto the
screen.
>
>DOWNLOADING DATA FROM REMOTE SOURCE
JESSE: Speaking of, you suppose the ladies are back?
LEOMON: Probably. Let's go get them.
[both exit theater.]
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One other thing I really should note about this particular episode as a whole is that along with having my favorite riff and favorite host segment, there are also a couple that I pulled almost word for word from the Red Green Show itself. One's towards the end of this part. I know there's another one later on, too, but I can't remember if it shows up in the next part of this or the third one. Either way, we'll find out soon enough.
On another note, I know it's been awhile between updates to this series. I've had some IRL stuff going on lately, but the good news is that, at least for now, I think I'm at a point where I can start getting back at this whole blogging thing on a more regular basis again, be it these reposts or more original stuff. There's certainly going to be a little lag between this part of this thing and the next one or two because I've gotta re-read what's left again, but there should be other new stuff in between.
Until next time, whatever it may be, see you soon!
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