I'm going to start this one off with an apology. There's been a bigger gap between the first part of this one and this second part than I had intended, on account of real-life issues coming up over the last couple months. The good news is that it's not as big a gap as I had feared when I rediscovered the hard copy I was working from on my desk during a recent mini-fit of cleaning I was doing, which I talk about in this post from not too long ago. Never the less, it happened, and I do apologize for that.
Because there was that gap, here's a link to part one of this chapter, for anyone who might want to have a look at it before moving on with this one. A lot of what I was saying there is a good place to start here, too.
As for this part specifically, upon reviewing the previous part and the part I'm putting up now, I've come to think I may have done both the more or less verbatum jokes from the Red Green Show in the previous part. I say this on account of not finding them here, and it's been a good couple months since the last part. This is not to say there won't be more almost direct pulls from one of my favorite shows in the last part. It's just been awhile, and I need to reread that last part again.
This part is mostly setup for what comes in part three, at least in terms of the part I wrote. The big running gag in this part is my own real-life poor vision. I've needed, and worn, glasses since the sixth grade, and by the time I wrote this in the early 2000s, I really couldn't see worth a damn without them. The fifteen-plus years since then haven't exactly improved that situation.
There's more to say about this, of course, but that'll be for the endcap to this. See you there!
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[Lobby. JESSE and LEOMON find JERI, RIKA, and RENAMON huddled by the snack counter. RIKA and RENAMON have their backs to the theater doors. JERI notices, but JESSE signals for her to keep quiet before the others realize, then removes his glasses before approaching the rear of the counter with LEOMON close behind] JESSE:[faked rough voice] Uh, can I help you ladies with something? RIKA:[startled] Oh, sorry, sir. We were just... Jesse? JESSE:[faked voice] Uh, no, I'm Red Green. RENAMON: Are you sure? You look an awful lot like Jesse Shearer. JESSE:[other voice] No, I'm Red Green. [taps LEOMON] Tell `em who we are, Dalton. LEOMON:[slight Canadian accent] I'm Dalton Humphries and this is my friend Red Green. JERI:[begins giggling] RENAMON:[notices JESSE's glasses in his shirt pocket] Is that so, Mr. Green? I've seen a few episodes of your show. [takes the glasses from their hiding place] You've never needed these before. LEOMON:[normal] I think we've been caught. JESSE:[normal] I think you're right. But it was fun to at least try it, eh? [to RENAMON] Now, if I could please have my glasses back, I'd gladly welcome you to the movie with us. RIKA: And if you don't get `em back? JESSE: You can still come to see the movie, but I won't be quite as glad about it. JERI: How come? JESSE: Let's just say that right now, none of you have any facial features, and you're right in front of me. Distance doesn't improve the situation any, either. RENAMON: In that case, I'll hold onto these for awhile. [sticks JESSE's glasses in her "glove"] LEOMON: Now what? JESSE: Oh, I'll just have to think of some way to get them back. RIKA: Now, let's go watch the rest of the movie. [all enter theater] [JESSE is near the center of the row. JERI is to his right, then RIKA, RENAMON and LEOMON sitting in the aisle seat.] > >"'Downloading data from remote source,'" Shinji repeated. "What does that mean. >Is the D-4 receiving information from another place. Where?" RIKA: Well, he's grasped some of the obvious. JESSE: Yeah. I would think those things would be rather short range, to be honest. > >------------------Digimon--------------------------------------Database----------------------- > >Name: War Growlmon >Level: Ultimate >Type: Cyborg Digimon >Attribute: Virus >Attack: Atomic Blaster, Radiation Blade Attack JESSE:["Attack From Mars" voice] We must build an Atomic Blaster! > >Shinji: Finally found something. He's called War Growlmon. He's a Dinosaur covered >in metallic armor. His attacks, atomic blaster and radiation blade, give him the ultimate >power. > >---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >"I never heard of War Growlmon," Chi said. > >"Neither have I. But he is a Digimon. At least I think he is. He doesn't look >like any Digimon I've ever seen..." RENAMON: You got information on him from a Digivice and you're not sure if he's a Digimon? > >"Shinji, wait a minute. A data-class, virus-class, and vaccine-class Digimon. >One of each attribute. Could that mean something?" JESSE: Vikaralamon works for I. M. Satan Co.? RIKA: Hey now... > >"Not sure, but Vikaralamon must be bad if all three are standing against him." > >"But Vikaralamon's a vaccine-class. Aren't vaccine class suppose to be the good >guys?" JESSE:[dumb sounding] Dah... JERI: That would make the most sense. > >"Still not sure, but Vikaralamon is definitely bad news for us humans." LEOMON: Good grasp of the obvious, I'd say. > >Shinji and Chi ducked into an alleyway. They watched as the four Ultimate >Digimon went at it. There were three Ultimates against one but Vikaralamon >seemed to have the upper hand. Chi tried to peek outside to see if there was >anybody else in the viscinity but an explosion kept forcing her back. RIKA: That's one persistant explosion. > >"What do we do, Shinji? We can't get out without getting caught up in the battle." > >"Nothing we can do except sit it out." > >Suddenly Vikaralamon started flickering, partially dissolving. JESSE: Oh, OK. That's *supposed* to be happening. Thought my vision was getting worse for a minute. > >"They did it!" Shinji cried. "They're beating him." > >"Wait a minute," Chi said. "The other three are dissolving too. Whatever it is >that's making Vikaralamon disappear, it's going both ways." JESSE: You mean they're not already gone? RENAMON: Nope, all three of us are still there. And I'm even using Talisman Spell, just like before. JERI: You really can't see too well without your glasses, can you, Jesse? > >"Chi, you're D-4." Chi looked down. The D-4 was emitting electricity, like it >was short-circuiting. Suddenly it started to glow. Upon instinct, Chi held out >hers. The D-4s began producing an energy beam. The energy beams covered War >Growlmon, who was helplessly pinned underneath one of Vikaralamon's energy >sphere, in what appeared to be some type of static electricity barrier, a >forcefield. JERI: Can *our* Digivices do that? LEOMON: I'm not sure. > Shinji's did likewise. > >"It's like our D-4s are helping War Growlmon, Rapidmon, and Taomon," Chi said. >It's preventing them from being dissolved the same way Vikaralamon is." > > > >At Headquarters, the Commander stepped up to a control panel. > >"Getting response from the D-4s," a technician called out. "They're offering >reserve power to the Digimon that are attacking Vikaralamon." > >"Good," the Commander replied. She was hoping the D-4s would do something like >this. > > > >Suddenly a tremendous earthquake began erupting. A loud screach could be heard, >like a monkey's scream. The D-4s blinked out. Chi and Shinji began covering >their ears in pain. Shinji looked around and discovered a dumpster. > JESSE: Ah. OK. So that's why he's acting like Shatner. >"Please be empty, please be empty." To his luck, it is. "Come on, Chi, inside." > >"But it's a dumpster!" JESSE: Funny, it doesn't *look* all that much like a toilet. RIKA: She said *dumpster,* you fool! > >"Yes, you're very smart, now come on." Shinji pushed her into the dumpster then >climbed in himself. > > > >They must've blacked out because the next thing Shinji noticed, he was >asleep in the dumpster. LEOMON: The lousy bum. > >"Chi, wake up," he said gently shaking her awake. > >"Huh... wha... Shinji? What happened?" RENAMON: Nothing, we hope. > >"That screach must've knocked us out." RIKA: And once again we see Shinji's wonderful grasp of the obvious. > Shinji and Chi climbed out of the dumpster and into the street. The entire >neighborhood was in chaos. Buildings were wrecked. There were potholes the size >of tanks and shattered glass everywhere. The Digimon were nowhere to be seen. JESSE: So that's not just my vision being bad... > >"Wow, it's like World War Eleven here," Chi commented. "Where are Vikaralamon >and the others?" > >"Maybe they... were deleted," Shinji deduced. > >"I hope so," Chi said. "If those four kept on battling the way they were, the >entire city would've been demolished." Shinji nodded. JERI: It looks like it halready has been. > >Suddenly a strange energy cought their eyes. They turned just in time to see a >shape of 1s and 0s. It looked like a huge cactus wearing a poncho and a >sombrero. > >------------------Digimon--------------------------------------Database----------------------- > >Name: Ponchomon >Level: Armored >Type: Ghost Digimon >Attribute: Virus >Attack: Tequila Knuckle JESSE:[singing] He's a one-eyed, four-legged, big-mouthed purple people eater... LEOMON: There's one you don't hear often. > >Ponchomon: Hu-hu-hu-hu, I'm Ponchomon, I go by my own beat and anybody who >doesn't like it will get a beat... from my Tequila Knuckle. Hu-hu-hu-hu. > >---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >"Tequila Knuckle!" Ponchomon's fist glowed with fire and he broke down a >building. > >"I hope there was nobody in there," Chi said. JESSE:[Checkov, from partally collapsed building] My God! Was anyone in here? LEOMON:[Scotty, from partailly collpsed building] Aye... > >"Come on, let's go to work." > >"Right. Lopmon, digimerge!" JESSE: Hey, you know, I think Lopmon's in you guys' show, too... JERI: She is...?!? JESSE: I think so, but I'm not sure. > >"Elecmon, digimerge!" JESSE:[hums MegaMan stage-select music] > The two Digimon that were animated looked like a small brown dog and a small >red rabbit. JESSE: Red? I thought Lopmon was *pink*... LEOMON: Mabey it's that colorblindness thing again... JERI: You're colorblind? JESSE: Not technically, at least not so far as I know. > >------------------Digimon--------------------------------------Database----------------------- > >Name: Elecmon >Level: Rookie >Type: Mammal Digimon JESSE: Now if ever there were a Digimon that should be a robot... >Attribute: Data >Attack: Super Thunder Strike, Sparkling Thunder, Body Attack > >Shinji: Elecmon may be small, but his thunder powers will shock you... >literally. > RENAMON: Not a word, Jesse. > > >Name: Lopmon >Level: Rookie >Type: Beast Digimon >Attribute: Data >Attack: Blazing Ice, Tiny Twister > >Chi: Lopmon may look cuddly, but he has the power of ice. His Blacing Ice JESSE: *Blacing* Ice? Is my hearing going now, too? > will not only beat you back, but freeze you too. > >---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >"All right, guys, go get him," Shinji instructed. Lopmon spread his long ears and took to >the air, gliding on currents of wind. Elecmon galloped up to Ponchomon. > >"Hu-hu-hu-hu," Ponchomon laughed. "If you guys want to play, you got it. >Tequila Knuckle!" Ponchomon's hand became energized and he swung it at them. > >Lopmon banked and Elecmon dodged. LEOMON: Tequilla... Isn't that an alcoholic beverage? JESSE: Last time I checked. > >"Hey Elecmon, you want first crack at him?" Lopmon asked. > >"I thought you would never ask. Super Thunder Strike!" Elecmon emitted >lightning from his tail. JESSE: Oh, oh, oh! That has got to hurt! RENAMON: Thanks for the image, Jesse. JESSE: Well, it's not as bad as what I could have said... JERI: What was that? JESSE:[straining] Piiiii.... kaaaa... chuuuuuu!!! RIKA: Could you please smack him, Jeri? JERI:[pounds a fist into JESSE's shoulder] > Ponchomon absorbed it with a laugh. RIKA: Since when did Ponchomon have refractive armor? > >"Looks like it's your turn," Elecmon said to Lopmon. > >"Blazing Ice!" Lopmon shot a blue beam at Ponchomon. Ponchomon absorbed it with >a "huff." > >"Nothing they do seems to affect him," Shinji gasped. RENAMON:[sarcastic] My, isn't he the intelligent one? > >"We have to keep trying," Elecmon said. > >"Elecmon's right, we can't just let him trash us," Lopmon agreed. JESSE: Well, at least she's got a positive attitude about this. > The two sprang back into action again. > >"Blazing Ice!" > >"Super Thunder Strike!" The two attacks combined and slammed Ponchomon back. >He quickly grabbed Elecmon. "Sparkling Thunder!" Elecmon's body produced a >strong source of light that temporarily blinded Ponchomon. RIKA: And the audience. > Ponchomon threw Elecmon away >and he landed in Shinji's arms. > >"Sorry... Shinji... I... failed." Elecmon grunted before turning back into >a card. > >"Elecmon..." Shinji turned towards Chi with a serious look on his face. "Chi, it's all up >to you now. Give it all you got." > >Chi's innocent face reflected the determination in Shinji's own. "You got it. >Lopmon, fall back a little." Lopmon withdrew until there was about twenty feet >separating the two. > >"Lopmon, digivolve!" JESSE: Guess who's gonna win... > >DIGIVOLUTION > >"Lopmon, digivolve to... Endigomon!" Endigomon was a large beast that walked on his hind legs. His head sported a strange white crown with three spikes in it. His face was circular at the front and he had two long green ears. His fur was red and black. > >------------------Digimon--------------------------------------Database----------------------- > >Name: Endigomon >Level: Champion >Type: Beast Man Digimon >Attribute: Virus >Attack: Koko Crusher, Howling Destroyer > >Chi: You're in for it now, when it comes to brute strength, nobody can match >Endigomon. His body contains a fierce weapon called the koko crusher JESSE: Which crushes things into Coacoa Pebbles. > and his voice >produces a scream that would make even ultimate-level Digimon coward in fear. > >----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >"Hu-hu-hu-hu," Ponchomon laughed. > >"I'm getting sick of that laugh," Chi said. "Endigomon, do it!" Endigomon moved >forward. Ponchomon moved forward too. JESSE:[singing] Go forward; move ahead... LEOMON: Keep that up and *I'll* whip you. > >"Tequila Knuckle!" With a loud roar, Endigomon fired his own punch. The two >punches collided producing a shockwave. Ponchomon tried to punch with the other >arm but Endigomon stopped it with his other hand. > >"Beta Slugger!" Everybody turned around. Behind Ponchomon was Rick, Nikolai, >and Jorge along with Betamon, Gizamon, and Gotsumon. > >"Endigomon, we distracted him, attack now!" Betamon called. > >"Endigomon jumped back. His shoulders opened up to reveal several missile launchers. > >"Koko Crusher!" The missiles fired. JESSE: Missiles? What the...? What was the *punch*, then? LEOMON: I don't know. > One by one, the missiles hit and Ponchomon dissolved. > >Endigomon dedigivolved to Lopmon and returned to his card state. The other >Digimon did likewise. > RENAMON: What was the point of the other three even being there, then? >"Come on, let's go back to Headquarters," Rick said. "We have a lot to talk about." RIKA: I'd say. JESE: Say, Renamon. How's about you just give me my glasses back. RENAMON: You gotta do something to get them back. JESSE: How does a pinball match sound? RENAMON: You're on! [Exit theater]
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At the very beginning of this, back in January, I was saying that this episode has my favorites in terms of both host segment and riff from all the ones I did when I was doing full-on Mystery Science Theater stuff on a much more regular basis. Hopefully, it won't be as big a gap before the next one of these, but I was hoping that last time I got one of these up, too, so I hope I'm not being overconfident again. Gotta say, as I'm writing this part, I've got kind of a cold, and given the mess we've still got going on, I'm hoping that's all it is.
Anyway, see you with part three of this soon, and hopefully some other stuff in between.
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