Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Wondering What The Hell I'm Doing

I sure feel like I'm wasting a hell of a lot of time lately, and I'm not sure why.

I'm not sure if it's depression or what. There are actually quite a lot of things I've been feeling more than a little down about lately. The biggest thing on my mind right now is my job situation. It's not good, and I'm not sure when or even if it'll improve. Finding a second job would certainly help in that area, but it's been so long since I've gone looking for work that I've sort of forgotten how, and I know a few things have changed since then.

My health is another issue. I've had a cold or something like it for quite a while now, and sometime in the course of recovering from that, I've slipped back into the old bad habits that put my weight through the damed roof, which will only serve to make worse certain other problems I can't get away from quite so easily, for one reason or another.

One thing that's serving to make matters worse right now is that I've got a head full of other ideas I want to work with, some of which I've talked about in a few places already. The reason I do that is to compel myself to get on with actually doing these things instead of just sitting around pretending like I'm going to actually do them. Lately, though, I just haven't felt that compulsion to actually get going on these things the way I should. This is something that would have been bad enough when I was just starting out with all this Internet stuff I do and didn't really have anybody looking at the content I was producing. But now it seems that I'm starting to pick up a few followers based on the content I'm putting out, and the fact that I'm not getting on with the things I say I'm going to do has me bothered and worried that I'm going to start losing that following just when I was finally starting to get exactly what I'd been hoping for for a long time now.

All of this is starting to cause a lot of stress for me, weighing my mind down, and I know it's not doing me any good in a lot of ways. Worse yet, I don't know how to fix any of it, and that's only adding to the stress and pressure I feel. Gotta say, I really don't know where to turn to find any answers to work with. I know there are people out there who are trying to help with that, but a lot of the time it feels like that's just as much a part of the problem as anything else, and I'm not sure how to go about explaining that properly.

There's also the fact that time just seems to be getting away from me more and more the harder I try to put things right, and it's affecting how I eat and sleep, too, which also only makes things worse. I'm already up way later than I'd intended to be as I write this. Posting it to the most common place I seem to be read will have to wait until later, and I don't like having to do that. Changing the way I do things like this will involve relearning time management, I think:

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