Yeah, the way I've been going lately,
this probably will be the last post of the year for me, so I may as
well tie it into something from earlier
this year.
I've actually been meaning to get to
this post for the better part of December. Unfortunately, this has
turned out to be one of those months where it seems like things went
wrong every opportunity they got. This post is a perfect example of
that. I had intended to make it a video done late at night to make
it more fully contrast with the post I linked to above the jump.
Between having to work late or not feeling well or any of a dozen
other things that have come up on me, that's not going to happen, so
I may as well just write this damned thing and get it out there.
Even as I write this, I feel like hell.
It's almost like I've been drinking to excess, when that's not the
case. I had a glass of wine or two whenever it was my family did
their yearly oyster stew meal, but I haven't touched any alcohol
since then. Right now, it's bad enough that I'm actually kind of
afraid to go to sleep because I'm honestly not sure I'll wake back up
in the morning. That bothers me because there are still things I
need and want to live for.
I know that one of the bigger factors
in this is the shitty diet and exercize habbits I've had for the last
six months or so. It's actually been longer than that, really, but
I've really lost control of them in that time, and being aware of it
in so many ways is affecting my mental health, which in turn makes me
do all the things I know are bad for me more. And there's physical
pain involved here, too. Quite a bit of it is in my feet and legs,
which makes sense, considering how heavy a fellow I am, but right
now, I've got a nasty headache, too. Maybe when I'm done with this
I'll go take something for it. I would now, but I want to take
something that will help me sleep, too, and I want to get this done
before it kicks in.
Something that makes the psycological
side of this worse is that there are some personal things that I am
presently unable to enjoy the way I used to. Sure, gaming is one of
them, of course, and so is writing. I can't get the same enjoyment
out of them I did when I wasn't feeling like crap half the time. I'm
sure getting out and getting more exercise than I have in a while
would help with that, but it's hard to get motivated when everything
hurts and you're tired.
There are also some other things that
are of a personal nature that are not for public consumption like
this. Being able to get some fulfilment out of those things would
really help, too, but there again, there are physical health issuse
getting in the way.
I'm sure some will bring up that what
and how much I eat is a part of that, and I agree, it is. It's one
of those issues where if knowing about the issue and knowing how to
resolve it was all it took, my situation would almost certainly not
have gotten as bad as it has in the first place. Even if it may not
seem like it, I am trying to make the necessary changes, but as
always, easier said than done, especially with some of the things I
would like to do with my life.
As it stands, I really feel like I've
lost control of my own life and I'm not sure how to go about getting
things back to where I want them to be.
I'd like to say that 2018 is the year
that I'll be able to make this work again, but then again, eleven
months ago, I was saying the same thing about 2017, and it turned out
to be about as far from the truth as I could get. I dunno, though,
maybe this will be the year. Either way, we'll be finding out soon
enough, I guess. Happy new year, all.
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