After a bit more of a delay than I had intended, it's time to wrap this chapter up so I can move on to the next chapter in the series. Hopefully, it won't be so long before I get there.
In the meantime, let's get to finishing this one, shall we? In going over this part one last time, it seems I didn't put in any further mostly direct pulls from the Red Green Show, which is probably for the best. The host segments in this part are some of my favorites, at least from my own work, and I still say the first one here is my all-time favorite of them, though the lodge meeting ending is pretty good, too.
There's also what I'd call my personal favorite riff from my own work here, too. It's the “I'm an idiot” one from almost the end. For as much amusement as I still get from that line, it also makes me kind of sad that it seems at least as true, if not moreso, now than it was when I first wrote it more or less twenty years ago.
There's some historical notes to go along with the sense of nostalgia I get from writing these wraparounds, but I'll save those for the end. For now, we've got moviesign!
######## ******** ######## ******** ######## *******
[Scene is black and white; setting is an arcade, near a row of pinball machines.
JESSE's lines are all a voiceover for the action.]
JESSE:[voiceover] Well, I'd come up with a way to get my glasses back from
Renamon, so we all went down to the arcade here in the mall, the Starlight
Rainbow. Thought it would be interesting to challenge her to a round of pinball,
highest score wins, with a free game being an instant victory. Out of fairnes, I
decided to let Renamon go first.
[RENAMON approaches an old-looking pinball table. JESSE holds her back, signals
no with a hand sign and points to the one next to it.]
JESSE:[voiceover continued] Not that one, Renamon. It gets goofed up way too
easy. Plus, I sorta know how to cheat on this other one here.
[RENAMON puts a coin in the machine and starts playing. The others can be almost
be heard durring the action]
JESSE:[voiceover continued] Wow! Look at her go! I hadn't expected her to be
this good. Seven hundred fifty thousand and two targets on the first ball. This
may be more difficult than I thought... Really racking the points up there. The
second ball doubled the score and brought in three more targets and one of the
bonuses.
[The game obviously starts going downhill for RENAMON. All but JESSE sound
dissapointed]
JESSE:[voiceover continued] Things started to look up towards the end, but I've
still never broken the two-million point barrier.
[RENAMON's game ends and she gets several pats on the back; JESSE steps up and
begins *his* turn]
JESSE:[voiceover continued] Can't really see what I'm doing here... My first
ball was only half a million points and one target. This is not going well. I
may have to finish the movie without really being able to see it. My second ball
got me up to about nine hundred thousand, two more targets and a bonus.
[The pinball machine starts acting strangely and JESSE's third ball is lost]
JESSE:[voiceover continued] Well, there went my third ball. Looks like I've lost
this one.
[The pinball game shakes violently as a Datalink Port opens and spits out Mari
LeChon from the *Digidefenders* series.]
JESSE:[voiceover continued] OK, well, that was interesting. Don't really know
what to call this. [JESSE and RIKA help MARI up.] At least our new friend says
she's alright. But it looks like I'm still visually impaired. [Shot shows the
pinball game doing the score match for a free game, where the last two digits of
the score wind up matching the randomly drawn numbers.] Mabey not! Looks like I
won a free game lottery style! [Holds hand out towards RENAMON] Turn `em over,
my friend!
[Seating arrangement is almost the same as before, with MARI sitting to the left
of JESSE.]
>
MARI: And I thought *Africa* was a dump...
JESSE: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
>
>
>Soon, all the Digidefenders gathered at Headquarters. On the video table were
pictures >of Taomon's, Rapidmon's, and Vikaralamon's cards. There was also a
large square with >a question mark representing War Growlmon.
JESSE: He's the Riddler.
>
>"You were right to be suspicious, Shinji," the Commander said. "The barrier may
be >weak, but it's not weak enough to let so many powerful Digimon in at once.
And since >Vikaralamon only appeared today, it is safe to assume that the other
three were already >here."
RIKA: Nice piece of logic, Commander.
>
>"Then why didn't you guys detect them?" Jorge asked.
>
>"Probably because our scanners had only been able to detect Digimon who cross
over. >These Digimon must've already been here."
LEOMON: When did these people start up, anyway?
>
>"To state Barrio Boy's question," Mari said. "Why didn't you guys detect them?"
>
>"That... I'm not sure of," the Commander admitted.
JESSE: So she answers the question for Jorge but turns around and *doesn't*
answer it for Mari?
MARI: That part made no sense whatsoever.
>
>"Commander?" One of the technicians came up and whispered something in her ear.
>The Commander nodded, turned around and began programming one of the terminals.
>
>"Hey guys, I had a really freaky thought," Nikolai started.
RIKA: Sci Fi Channel Original Productions are good?
RENAMON: That *would* be a freaky thought...
>
>"No surprise there," Mari said rolling her eyes. Nikolai shot her an evil
glance.
>
>"Seriously, though, I had an idea. What if there are people just like us."
JESSE: Other humans? Sure. The whole planet's full of `em.
>
>"What do you mean?" Eli asked. "You mean more people with the ability to call
forth >Digimon?"
MARI:[sarcastic] No. Other people who live solely on hamburgers. Of course he
means other Digidefenders, you fool!
>
>"Yes, more Digidefenders. What if those three Digimon belonged to some other
>people."
>
>"That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard," Mari snapped.
JESSE: Let me get my tape recorder...
MARI:[slaps JESSE hard enough to turn his head away]
JESSE:[groans] That's gonna leave a bruise.
> "We're the >Digidefenders, not some stupid idiots who live in Tokyo.
RIKA:[stands up] Why you...!
RENAMON:[holds RIKA back] Not in the theater, Rika!
> I mean if there were more of >us, which I so highly doubt, I doubt they'd be
powerful enough to allow their Digimon >to digivolve all the way to ultimate. I
mean if we can't, then it's most likely those >pathetic screwballs can't either.
RIKA: I am *not* a pathetic screwball!
MARI: You are so!
RIKA: Am *not*!
MARI: Are too!
JESSE: Knock that off!
> And besides, the Commander would've told us about >them. Right, Commander?"
Mari gazed at the Commander with a dark look. The >Commander continued her
programming.
>
>"You are the only ones that I know of," she said simply.
>
>"There, see, point proven. Those Digimon are probably just fight-lovers who
crossed >over with Vikaralamon. Discussion closed."
JESSE: Pretty much the whole WWF, right there.
>
>But Shinji wasn't so sure. The Commander was right, allowing four
Ultimate-level >Digimon to cross over was just too impossible, even for this
business. He turned >towards the table with the images of the four cards on it.
>
>{I don't care what Frenchie thinks,} Shinji thought.
LEOMON: If he's smart, he won't actually say that.
MARI: Now there's a Digimon who knows what he's talking about.
> {Those Digimon didn't cross over, >they were called forth to battle
Vikaralamon and save the city. But the question is, who >called them forth? And
why?}
>
>
>
>Yamaki was a defeated man. The Juggernaut was destroyed, so was Hugoth.
JESSE: Hugoth? What?
JERI: I've never heard of it.
> And >everybody deserted him, even Riley. Basically, Hypnos was out of
business, for good. >And it was all those Tamers' fault.
JESSE:[Yamaki] I'm an idiot, so *my* mistakes are all *your* fault. [normal] How
American of him.
MARI: You'd know.
>
>{No,} Yamaki thought. {It wasn't, it was that giant Digimon's fault. And what
about >that Digimon whose voice seem to appear out of nowhere. It probably had a
hand in all >this too.}
RENAMON: He may have half an ounce of brains after all.
>
>A shadow crossed Yamaki's line of sight. He looked up as the Commander stepped
out >from the darkness.
>
>"You!" Yamaki gasped.
>
>"Yes, me."
JESSE:[Babylon 5's Londo/Yamaki] My old friend G'Kar. I should have known you'd
show up sooner or later.
>
>Yamaki took a breath and let out a small chuckle. "So, come to rub my failures
in my >face, have you?"
>
>"You know me, Yamaki. I'm not like that."
>
>"You're right, you're not."
>
>"So tell me, are there..."
>
>Yamaki already knew what she was going to ask. "Yes, there are. I saw them for
>myself."
RIKA: He saw all three good Sci Fi Channel Original Productions?
MARI: What were they?
JESSE: Farscape. Lexx, mabey. I'm not sure what the third would be.
>
>"I figured as much. I'm just sorry it had to come to this," the Commander said.
>
>"Me too."
>
>"So what are you going to do?"
>
>"I'm not sure."
>
>The Commander took off her sun glasses and stared at him. "Yamaki, what do you
>want to do more? Destroy Digimon or save humanity?"
>
>"That shouldn't even be a question, I want to save humanity."
>
>"Then maybe you should. The time is coming, Yamaki. The gray line is becoming
>black and white. You must be on one side or the other, you can't have it both
ways."
>
>"I know. So tell me, which side are you on?"
>
>The Commander put her sun glasses back on. "That shouldn't even be a question,"
she >repeated.
JESSE:[Yamaki] So you haven't really decided yet either, huh?
>
>Yamaki chuckled again. "Touche."
JESSE: Turtle.
JERI: Another oldie, huh?
>
>"Choose your allies and enemies carefully, Yamaki," the Commander recommended
as >she turned and started to walk away. "Especially be wary of your enemies.
They could >actually be allies."
>
>"You always did love to hand out riddles."
JESSE: How do they know one another, anyway?
LEOMON: Beats the heck outta me.
JERI: What was the riddle?
MARI: Yeah. It sounded an awfull lot like she just said "Keep your friends close
and your enimies closer."
>
>The Commander stopped and turned her head. "It gives the brain something to
think >about other than death, destruction, and prejudice." And she went away
leaving >Yamaki to go home and nurse the part of him that was wounded the most:
his pride.
RENAMON: Nice ending, anyway.
JESSE: Yeah.
MARI: Let's just get out of here. The funny smell is starting to bother me.
[all exit theater]
[Lobby. Wide view. A thin man dressed just like JESSE, only unbruised, with a
powder gray beard and no glasses is at the snack counter.]
MAN:[deeper voice than JESSE's; Canadian accent] Well, folks, I've got an
announcement to make, but I gotta wait for Dalton to show up.
[LEOMON enters, still dressed as Dalton Humphries. The Man looks over at him.]
MAN: Boy, uh, Dalton. Aren't you a little old to have a growth spurt like that?
LEOMON: I'm not Dalton.
MAN: You're not? You sure look like him.
LEOMON: I'm not. My name's Leomon. [pause] Are you the *real* Red Green?
RED GREEN: That I am. But where's the real Dalton? You didn't eat him or
something...?
LEOMON: No, no. I don't do things like that.
[DALTON Humphries and JESSE enter.]
DALTON: Red! Red! We've got a problem! [sees LEOMON] Oh, I see you've already
found out.
RED GREEN: Yep. So, what's with the guys dressed like us around here, anyway?
JESSE: Well, there's a young woman around here that gets him and me mixed up if
we don't dress different.
LEOMON: So we decided to dress like the two of you to keep from having her beat
up the wrong person.
RED GREEN: Doesn't look like it worked too well. You've got a doozy of a bruise
there...
JESSE: Ah, no, somebody else did that. It'll be awhile before I mention tape
recorders again.
DALTON: So where is this ladyfriend of yours?
LEOMON: She's out with everyone else getting ready for this announcement.
RED GREEN: Oh, the meeting. We'll be right there.
JESSE: Ah. OK. We'd better get going, then.
[DALTON, JESSE and LEOMON leave the lobby. RED GREEN stays for a moment.]
RED GREEN: Well, for those of you in South Dakota, my movie *Red Green: Duct
Tape Forever* should be shipping real soon. [turns around] If my wife is
watching, we'll be home as soon as we're all done filming the local ads for the
movie. [turns back] And for the rest of you, keep your stick on the ice. [waves
and leaves]
[Hallway, set up to look like a meeting at Possum Lodge, with a row of chairs
facing the camera and several rows of filled chairs facing away. In the front
row are JESSE and LEOMON, still dressed as Red and Dalton, then an empty chair
for RED GREEN, then the *real* DALTON and Winston Rothschild. The theme to "The
Red Green Show" can be heard in the background.]
JESSE: All rise.
[The crowd stands up, raises first the left hand, then the right, and put their
hands on the opposite shoulders]
ALL: Quando Omni Flunkus Mortai.
RED GREEN: Sit down.
[all sit]
RED GREEN: Bow your heads for the Men's Prayer.
ALL: I'm a man, but I can change. If I have to. I guess.
RED GREEN: OK, so if any of you guys know the whereabouts of a guy who goes by
"Phantom 1," raise your hand.
[no hands go up]
RED GREEN: Ah, OK, the folks looking for him already did some damage to somebody
bigger than them. [to JESSE] Show `em that bruise, Jesse.
JESSE:[turns head to reveal bruise]
[almost all raise their hands.]
[the theme music gets louder for the credits.]
Voices:
{JMST3K}
Jesse Shearer as JESSE
Steve Smith as RED GREEN
Bob Bainborogh as DALTON Humphries
Bridgette Hoffman as JERI
Paul St. Peter as LEOMON
Melissa Fahn as RIKA and MARI
Mari Devon as RENAMON
{Digidefenders}
Melissa Fahn as Mari
George Takei as Shinji
Cree Summer as Chi
Claudia Christian as Commander
Stephen Jay Blum as Yamaki
Jeffery Hirschfield as Jorge
Peter Jurasik as Nikolai
Philece Sapmler as Betamon
Michael McManus as Lopmon/Endigmon
Nancy Cartwright as Elecmon
Brian Downey as Ponchomon
{Televison and Cartoons}
Farscape and LEXX copyright Sci Fi Channel.
Babylon Five copyright Warner Bros.
Touche Turtle copyright Hanna Barbera.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 copyright Best Brains, Inc. and Sci Fi Channel.
The Red Green Show copyright S & S productions.
Pokemon copyright Nintendo and 4Kids Entertainment.
The Lone Gunmen copyright Chris Carter.
{Music}
"Whip It" performed by Devo.
"Whole Lotta Shakin'" perfromed by Jerry Lewis.
{Movies}
Star Trek: Generations copyright Paramount.
{General}
Mega Man copyright Capcom.
Windows XP copyright Microsoft.
"Where's Waldo?" copyright its creators.
Coacoa Pebbles produced by General Mills.
WWF owned by Vince McMahon.
Attack From Mars pinball table copyright Bally.
J. Michael Shearer's Theater created by Jesse "J. Michael" Shearer.
Disclamers: 1) This work does not indicate intend to infringe on the rights of
Best Brains, Inc.; the Sci Fi Channel; or the original author. 2) None of the
actors or performers listed were consulted or compensated in any way in regards
to this production.
Stringer:
>
>Shinji's mother closed the door behind her. She thought she heard a thump, like
>something falling, but dismissed it as clothes or school books.
>
>"Don't worry, Mom, I'm not hiding anything legal."
######## ******** ######## ******** ######## *******
Something I'm surprised I didn't mention when I first started posting this particular episode back in January is that this is actually the second time I've reposted this specific chapter here. The first time was about ten years ago, around my birthday. Here are links to parts one, two, and three if anybody's interested in seeing my thoughts on it then. I'm sure the fact that this is essentially a repeat, pretty much right on down to how I broke this up, contributed to the delays.
One thing I'll mention now, even though I'm sure I will again at least once more before the end of all this, is back then there was still this archive site called Everything What Is Crap or Shinji's Vault of Anime Mistings, which wound up hosting every part of this series I'd done. If I'd realized how the next decade was going to play out, I might've saved what was there, just so I could have the one last part I don't actually have. It's several years too late to worry about that now, though.
Anyway, I'll see you with something new before too long again, I hope. Until next time.
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