Here's something else I'm going to have to explain a little bit before I put in a jump and the actual item.
As quite a few readers may know, I'm a fan of a show called Mystery Science Theater 3000, or MST3K for short. I didn't really get into it until college, but I'd seen the show on a few occasions in high school. I didn't really "get it" until my local FOX affiliate picked up the syndicated "Mystery Science Theater Hour" version of the show, which ran slightly abridged episodes as two-parters instead of one, two-hour long block, with special bumpers at the start and end of each hour.
During my last year or so of full-time undergraduate study and the few years immediately after, I wrote quite a few fan fiction pieces based on the series. In general, these were referred to as "MiSTings" At first, I wrote using the characters from the last three seasons of the show, the Sci-Fi Channel era, as that was what I was most familiar with, having watched those first-run while in college. Later on, I started a self-insertion series along the lines MST3K. Eventually, I had to stop altogether as a result of the combination of lack of time, the fact that subjectively good material to work with had become exceedingly difficult to find, as of 2004, more or less, and, at about the same time, the most major archive for this genre of fanfiction went dark.
The general format of these fan fiction pieces has a lot of what is known as "script style" writing for the host segments, where the characters making fun of a particular item are interacting outside of the item itself. Within the material being joked about, the character jokes will be in script style and the source material, usually prose of some sort, will have ">" at the start of each new line. I'll say right now, this is one of the more complex types of writing I've ever done, and I'm sure it takes some time to get used to reading as well. What I'm about to present will certainly be more of a challenge to read, as I hadn't yet developed a more practical way of setting things up.
What you are about to see, in this case, is an unfinished version of one of the last "true" MiSTings I ever wrote before I transitioned from using the characters from the TV show to using myself and whatever seemed like funny guests for me to have on a particular piece. This is Mike Nelson and the season ten cast riffing on a story I originally wrote for a language arts class in ninth grade called "The Adventure of Jesse and Nick".
===============================================================
Title: The Adventure of Jesse and Nick
Original Author: Jesse Shearer
MiSTing Author: Jesse Shearer
Era: Castle
Type: Micro-MiST
[Season 10 opening credits]
[Mike is standing at the counter with his hair messed up and a pair of swimming goggles on his forehead, apparently in an attempt to be one of the characters from the most recent Digimon series.]
MIKE: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Digitamer Mike Nelson. I'm just waiting for my digital partner to show up.
[Servo enters from Mike's left]
SERVO: Hey, Mike. What's up?
MIKE: Here's my partner now. His name is Servomon.
SERVO: Mike? What are you doing?
MIKE: Oh, come now, Servomon. Surely you know what's going on here.
SERVO: Uh, no. Fill me in.
MIKE: You're a Digimon and I'm you're tamer. We fight big monsters and save the world together and stuff.
SERVO:[to Mike] Uh, ok. [off screen] Hey, Crow! Better get in here! Mike's flipped again! [to camera] We'll be right back.
[commertial]
[Waiting Room. Mike and the Bots are still at the counter. Mike is insisting that Crow and Servo are Digimon.]
MIKE: Come on, you guys! I'm serious! You're Digimon and I'm your trainer!
CROW: You're right, Servo. He really has flipped.
SERVO: Yeah. Let's see if Pearl's got anything to get him out of this.
[Castle Forrester. Pearl, Observer and Bobo are huddled near a wall]
PEARL: We're gonna have to make this quick. Bobo found one of the few eye-level light sockets in the place and somehow managed to superglue his finger to the contacts.
BOBO: The bulb needed needed changing!
PEARL: Anyway, we've gotta find a way to get him unstuck before he shorts the whole place out.
[Waiting Room]
SERVO: Bummer. Nelson here thinks he's a Digi-whatsit from one of those anime shows he's been watching lately.
CROW: Got anything that might shock him back to his comparitively normal state?
[Castle]
OBSERVER: We need a little more light over here. [flips a nearby switch, causing an electrical sound. Bobo begins shaking like he's being electrocuted]
PEARL: Brain Guy, send `em something short. We've got slightly more important things to attend to.
OBSERVER: Right-o, Pearl. Today's little project is "The Adventure of Jesse and Nick," a chunk of stuff by Jesse Shearer in which he and a friend get sent to a parallel dimention and do a bunch of random things. [uses power to send fic] Hope this helps.
[Waiting Room]
MIKE: OK, Servomon! Time for action! [holds up a small cerial bowl and swipes a playing card across the bottom] Digimodify!
[Moviesign goes off]
SERVO: We've got storysign!
[all enter theater]
[6...5...4...3...2...1...theater]
MIKE: Why didn't you do anything, Servomon?
SERVO: Because I'm a *robot*, Mike.
CROW: You'll be fine in a minute.
>The Adventure of Jesse and Nick
>By Jesse Shearer
>
SERVO: Hints of Soultaker there, eh?
>One day in June, after the 1992-1993 school year, college friends Nick, former
>Student Body President of Gredski University; and Jesse, the inventor and
>engeneering major at the same university; where at a local store
CROW: I don't know, *where* at a local store?
MIKE: Heh heh, good one, Crowmon.
CROW: What did you call me, Mike?
MIKE: Your name.
CROW: No, seriously...
MIKE: I did!
> to buy new
>lawnmowers
>"Nick, when we go in, let me do the dealing. Knowing what I do,
MIKE: What does he do?
CROW: Probably spout useless technobable.
> I'll get us the
>best ones at the best price," said Jesse
>Sure, Jesse, but I have the diplomatic experience. Everyone who meets me likes
>me!" said Nick
CROW: Then why don't *I* like him?
>"Yeah, but that's not why they impeached you. You lost the ground under our feet
>by stealing from the treasury box," said Jesse.
>"What's this ground under our feet thing?" asked Nick
SERVO: Yeah!
>"Oh, that? We've been falling through this dimensional warp hole for about three
>minutes now.
CROW: And you're only just now noticing?
> We should hit the ground and go unconcious in about thirty
>seconds," said Jesse.
>"One thing, Jesse. What's a dimensional warp hole?" asked Nick.
>"A dimensional warp hole is a link between our world and
MIKE: The Digital World!
SERVO: Mike, don't.
> an even stranger one.
>Any being that goes through one winds up at least . . . ug," said Jesse
>
CROW: You said it, buddy.
>Three hours later in the unknown dimension:
>"Most beings end up at least what, Jesse?" asked Nick.
>"Unconcious, like we must have been.
SERVO: And we wish we were.
CROW: Or at least Mike was, anyway.
MIKE: Crowmon! Be nice!
> Hey, where are my glasses and watch? Mabey
>we can find out from her," says Jesse.
MIKE: Who?
>"I hate to be sarcastic, but good idea, doctor. She had better knwo,
CROW: KNWO! The WWF on the radio!
> because my
>watch cost me over one hundred and fifty bucks," said Nick.
>"Oh, good! You two are finaly awake. We're studying your weapons now. My
>weaponry engineer is just about done with that face thing you had on.
CROW: I just hope he didn't have a moustache at the beginning of this...
> He must be
>working on those wrist things now. I guess I'd better introduce myself and my
>people. I'm Queen Sue, leader of the Stupids. As our name implies, we're not
>very bright.
CROW: I'd say that applies to the author as well.
> Our main weapon is the lawnmower, but all ours have been captured
>by Sir Barf. He's our main enemy," said the Queen of Stupids.
SERVO: An apt name, somehow.
CROW: In many regards.
>"Your Majesty, I' done with this thing now. He can have it back," said the cheif
>weapons man.
>"My . . . glasses! Smashed . . . to bits!
MIKE: Shatnerization!
SERVO: I think Mike's starting to recover.
CROW: Yeah.
> How do you expect me to help when I
>can't see a thing, man? There was no weapon in there. Our watches won't hurt
>anything, either. Why didn't you wake us up and ask?" asked Jesse
>"Well, we don't like to wake up sleeping people," said Queen Sue.
SERVO: Besides, you were unconsious.
>"That cost me a hundred and fifty dollars. I'll have to pay at least twice that
>now," said Nick.
CROW: Yeah, that's gonna mean a whole lot to her.
>"Oh, well, here's six hundred gold blocks. That should pay for it," said Queen
>Sue.
SERVO: Cha-ching!
CROW: Money money mon--ey!
>"I'm gonna find out if that's real gold, or just copper. This should take about
>five minutes, Nick. Can I use your equipment, chief? You need not worry, I'm an
>engineer myself," said Jesse
>"I'd better help with the work," said the chief.
MIKE: Wow. They don't even trust the guy to get hurt by himself.
CROW: He is a title character, after all.
>"That's good. All I need is a table and an electrical outlet," said Jesse.
>"Right this way, my friend," said the chief
>"So, what exactly do you do around here, Chief, ah, um, Squirrel?" asks Jesse.
MIKE: Wait, they're anthro now?
CROW: Aw, hell.
SERVO: This is not good.
>"I fix broken lawnmowers and dismantle Sir Barf's sickening robots. Here's a
>place where you can work," said Chief Squirrel.
>"Thanks. I'll just plug in my saw here," said Jesse. "Isn't Sir Barf the one who
>shoots people with Glop in a Cup?"
SERVO: How would Jesse know about that?
CROW: What's he even talking about?
>"Why, yes he is. Does your saw work?" asked Cief Squirrel.
>"We'll find out," said Jesse. Wirrrr.... "I guess it does."
MIKE: Electricity. Universally at a hundred and twenty volts.
>Whirrr...crackkk!
CROW: Crack might have had something to do with it, I think.
> "Yep, it's real gold. That's the only thing my saw can't cut
>here.
SERVO: He knows this how, exactly?
> Tell your queen we thank her for making us rich. I'll go and buy the
>lawnmowers now, and then Nick and I can go, right?" asks Jesse.
>"Let's find out" said Chief Squrrel.
MIKE: Is this a bad short story or a Tootsie Pop comertial?
>"Hey, Nick, let's do that again," says Queen Sue
>"Nick, I'll ask what 'that' was later,"
SERVO: We'd rather you didn't.
> said Jesse. "Now that we're rich, I'll
>go get the lawnmowers."
>"Well, all right. Bring your stereo and that "Weird Al": Off the Deep End tape,
>too. I think 'Trigger Happu', 'I Can't Watch This', and 'Polka Your Eyes Out'
>are appropriate at this time," said Nick.
MIKE: Weird Al might disagree.
>"Gotcha, Nick," said Jesse. Zwip!, and Jesse was at a bank, selling his gold.
>"That six pounds of gold is worth two million dollars, sir. Would you like to
>start a few accounts?" asks the bank manager, Mr. Wily.
>"Yes, I would, Mr. Wily. I need about five hundred thousand of it. The
>university needs a new lawnmower force, and I get to pay for the mowers," said
>Jesse.
>"All right. You've got twelve new accounts
SERVO: More like no accounts, I'd think.
> and half a million dollars. You left
>these here ast
CROW: I have a feeling this story came from the author's "ast".
MIKE: Don't be mean like that, Crowmon.
CROW: You're doing it again, Mike.
MIKE: What?
> time," said Mr. Wily.
>"Hey, thanks. My stereo and tape! I've been looking for these," said Jesse.
>Zap!
SERVO: Rowsdower!
> Jesse was now at the lawnmower shop.
CROW: That's nice.
>"I'd like ten of those lawnmowers. Here's half a million for them," said Jesse.
>"Okay, here's the change. Two cents, honest!"
SERVO: Must be a Federally funded school Jesse goes to.
>"Fine with me. I'll help you load them on the truck. I've got to get back to the
>campus," said Jesse.
>Once the mowers are loaded, Jesse drives off, warps back to Planet Stupid, and
>finds himself falling from the top of the lower atmosphere.
CROW: Whaow! That went quick!
>"No! Wait! Don't shoot and I'll tell!" said Nick
>"You had your chance, earthman. Now I'll puke it out of you. Have a look at
>thi..." said Sir Barf.
SERVO: Huh?
>That was the last Sir Barf, or anyone, said.
MIKE: Good.
>The last statement was made by Jesse, before conking out, later to come to on a
>highway-bound space shuttle: "Thank Cactus for airbags!"
CROW: Hey! Wait...
>
>The End
>
SERVO: Thank God.
>
>Credit Where It's Due: "Weird Al": Off the Deep End and songs from same
>copyright Weird Al Yanchovic.
MIKE: He should sue.
CROW: Oh, very funny, Digiboy...
[all exit theater]
[1...2...3...4...5...6...waiting room]
[Mike is at the counter, still in his Digimon getup. Servo and Crow are there, as well]
SERVO: So, Mike, you alright now?
MIKE: Yep. You and Crow aren't Digimon, so I can't be your tamer.
CROW: Good. I'm glad to see you're better.
MIKE: My Digimon should be here any time soon.
CROW: D'oh!
=======================================================
Originally, there was another two-part Digimon fan fiction that went along with what's shown here. That fan fiction was originally written by what I suppose could be called my then-partner of sorts, a guy using "Phanto5692" as an AOL screen name. We would later collaborate on a fanfic-MiSTing series called "Digimon: Digidefenders", some of which I have saved from my old floppies as well. Those may, at some point, show up here. The full version of this MiSTing, perhaps sadly, perhaps not, has been lost to time. What stands as the full run of the "Digidefenders" series can still be found in the "miscellaneous" category of the "Video Games" section on the website Everything What Is Crap, or EWIC for short. EWIC itself went into what Tim McLees, the site's webmaster, calls "archive mode" in 2008.
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