Wednesday, December 14, 2011

TEXT PLAY: Final Fantasy 4 (SNES, 1991): Issue #07: Baron Brand Triple Boss Fight Ointment

This was long to play through, but I don't know how long the actual article will be.

Last time, I said I'd give the Cursed Ring a shot, just to see what it did. I put it on Tellah and got in a fight. Statwise, it's weak, relative to what else is available, when equipped to a character's hand, and all that seems left of that character in a fight is that whatever position they were in before will still be filled. The monsters won't attack them, they can't attack the monsters. I think the Cursed Ring is one of those things that was supposed to have been pretty much dummied out of the game when it first came out for the SNES. Otherwise, I think I would have gotten at least one before, and it would have more obvious effects.

As far as the game itself goes, this part is long to play through relative to what happens. At least there are three major fights to talk about.

The Elder in Mysidia says he'll open the Serpent Road to let Cecil and crew get back to Baron because Cecil became a Paladin, which meant that he was the hero of a Mysidian legend. The Serpent Road is kind of like the transporter from Star Trek or Snake Way from Dragon Ball Z.

So, once you've beamed back to the town of Baron, it seems that everybody's saying that the king's gone nuts and has thrown Cid the Airship Guy in jail for civil disobedience. Furthermore, the castle's locked to outsiders, so anybody who wants in has to sneak in.

There's somebody who can help with that in the form of Yang, who can be found at the Inn. Unfortunately, he's gone a little wacko too. He lost his memory when the ship sank and is working for Baron with the soldiers. Smack him upside the head a few times and he'll come around and rejoin the party. He also has something on him called the Baron Key. Use it to open the weapons shop and the sewer, through which the party sneaks into the castle.

There's a few good things at the weapons and armor shop, mostly for Yang, so it's worth stopping in to get him the headband, karate shirt, and one thunder claw to use the cloning trick on. Those thunder claws will come in handy.

The sewer is full of water monsters, most of which are weak against lightning attacks. It's not a particularly long dungeon, fortunately. This is going to end with something that's more than long enough for a SNES game.

Once into the castle, it's possible to go rest up in Cecil's room in the left tower if need be. Otherwise, it's a simple matter of finding your way through the castle to the throne room. On your way there, a dude named Baigan will show up and try to join the party. Turns out, though, he's a three-part monster who wants to beat your ass. Doing it to him first is no problem. Have the twins use their Twin magic, which should take out Baigan's arms and do massive damage to the rest of him. Take out the torso, and he'll go down in about four rounds tops.

Play your cards right, and you won't have to go use Cecil's room to rest up again, but it's still there if needed. Otherwise it's a straight shot from the front door to the throne room, where Kainnazio the Water Fiend has taken the king's place. Just as Edward is one of the most useless playable characters I've ever used, Kainnazio is one of the easiest bosses I've ever fought. The fact that Tellah not only got every spell in the game on Mt. Ordeals, but can also use all of them with the exception of Meteo puts you in a situation where you've got a character who's almost as broken as the Metal Blade in Mega Man 2. All you really need to do, I think, is have Tellah use Lit 3 on Kainnazio and the fight will be over in one round. No, really, it's just that easy. Tellah can pretty much murder the Fiend of Water all on his own, making the others pretty much useless here.

Just make sure you've got Palom and Porum unequipped beforehand. Immediately after this battle ends, Cid busts into the throne room, looking for trators but finds the party instead. Seeing that it's Cecil he's just insulted, Cid takes the party to the latest airship.

Along the way, the ghost of Kainnazio decides it's time for a scene from Star Wars and tries to crush the party with some hallway walls in the castle. The twins save the day by getting stoned. Or more correctly, they turn themselves into stone to stop the walls. But at least there's an open slot for Cid to join the party now. With much sorrow, they head off to the new airship, the Enterprise.

Meanwhile, Kain and Golbez talk about how to get the last crystal. They decide to use the fact that they've got Rosa hostage to make Cecil and gang get it for them. Once that's decided, Kain goes to tell Cecil to either get the crystal from a place called Toroia or watch Rosa die.

As glad as I am that Square had the balls to be that cinematic in a Super Nintendo game, I've always needed a break after such a long sequence. So, with that, I think I'm gonna give this a rest for awhile and pick up next time, when we find out just what happened to everybody's favorite Web celebrity inspiring pussy after that ship sank.

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