Here's the second part of three I'm going to be doing this one in. Breaking it up into parts like this is how we used to do it for the Usenet Newsgroups, which were still way more active at the time. There's still at least one around, that I know of. It's called RATMM, or rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc. Used to self post there every now and again, but had to do it in parts because the old newsgroups were created at a time when most folks still had dialup Internet with slow download speeds and limited message size and space. That's why I also liked submitting to archive sites. That way, people could get whole things like this as one big piece if they wanted. Plus, as I've mentioned before, I liked WSN9's rating system. The good thing about the newsgroup is that it allowed for comments a little easier.
But anyway, here's part two of the MiSTing. This time, we pick up with the first host segment and go through the first part of the story. The end is the second host segment, which may date this a bit, with the implied commercial for Windows XP.
I hope you all enjoy this part and the next as much as you seemed to enjoy part one.
============================================================
[Lobby]
SPEEDY:[half supprized] Oh, hi, Polly. Lucille.
GUIDO: Were you calling us earlier? We didn't quite hear it if you were.
POLLY: Yes. We were calling you. Now we're going to beat the catnip...
JESSE:[interrupting] Hey, you two must be the young ladies my friends here told me about. It's a pleasure to meet you both.
LUCILLE: And who the heck are you, buddy?
JESSE: I'm the leasee here. The name's Jesse Shearer.
POLLY: OK. What were you doing helping these two peabrains hide from us?
JESSE: They wanted to take you to a movie later and came in to see what's showing.
[POLLY approaches JESSE with claws extended. JESSE backs off untill he hits the counter behind him]
POLLY:[threatning] That is such an obvious lie!
JESSE:[nervous] Before you claw my eyes out, ah... um...[jumps behind counter and looks through glass top] Would you like a chocolate bar? [pulls out a chocolate bar that is about a half inch thick and fully a foot long]
POLLY: Wow! OK! [takes bar]
JESSE:[pulls another similar one from counter] And one for your other lovely friend as well.
LUCILLE:[takes bar] Why, thank you!
POLLY: Since we're all here now anyway, what's showing?
JESSE: Well, we already watched the infomercial about folding pamphlets for a buck apiece. [SPEEDY and GUIDO sneak behind counter and stand up] That leaves us with the feature. It's called "The Day in the Life of the Pizza Cats". You may like it, from what I remember from my initial screening. The author, Claudia Nimmich, seems nice enough as well.
LUCILLE: When can we start?
JESSE: Whenever you're all ready.
GUIDO:[leering and grinning at POLLY] So, beautiful, how about we share that chocolate?
[POLLY jumps over counter and starts beating up GUIDO. A few seconds later, the others jump in.]
JESSE: This looks like it could take awhile. We'd better take a short br...[gets pulled into fight]
[commercials for SURVIVOR: AFRICA and ENTERPRIZE]
[Theater. LUCILLE leades, followed by JESSE, SPEEDY and GUIDO, with POLLY bringing up the rear. The males appear to have bandages and crutches on.]
JESSE: I guess my horoscope *did* say that there was a good chance of beautiful women hitting on me today...
LUCILLE: We're sorry.
JESSE: That's alright. I kinda like agressive women more anyway.
>The day in the life of a Pizza CatA day in the life of a pizza cat
GUIDO and POLLY: Double Double
>NARRIATOR: Over time, The Pizza Cat bussiness had sky-rockted ever since Polly
>came up with a new type of pizza that was a big hit. We start off our story with
>Speedy's alarm clock going off at 6am. Speedy, awakened by the beeping noise
>threw the clock against the wall and it broke.
JESSE: Who *hasn't* been tempted to do that?
> He then fell back asleep which
>was a bad idea.
>
>6:00AM
>
>FRANCINE: Speedy! Get your sorry butt out of bed now or will I have to let the
>dogs out again?!
JESSE and GUIDO:[singing] Who let the dogs out?!
POLLY: Do that again and I'll hurt the both of you!
> (Polly was sitting on a chair laughing at what Fran said.)
>
>6:10AM
>
>FRANCINE: I thought I told you to get up! Guido is even up before you! That is
>it! I'm releasing the dogs!
>
JESSE and GUIDO:[singing] Who let the dogs out?!
[POLLY smacks GUIDO and stands up to smack JESSE]
GUIDO: Ouch!
JESSE:[two seconds later] Ow! My eye!
>GUIDO: The dogs will be to nice to him. Send Polly on him. He will never sleep
>in again.
>
SPEEDY: After the bandages come off, anyway.
>FRANCINE: That is true. All right! You better get up soon or Polly will come in
>there and beat the catnip out of you!
>
>6:25AM
>
>NARRIATOR: Speedy walked in ready for work.
>
JESSE: Well, good for him.
>SPEEDY: Smells good Polly! (he walked into the kitchen) What is for breakfast?
>
>POLLY: This isn't breakfast. This is the food for the dogs. (she put it in a
>bowl and put the bowl in the backyard)
>
JESSE:[leans over to LUCILLE] Why is she feeding the dogs oatmeal?
LUCILLE: It's her thing.
>GUIDO: Speedy is right though. For once there is a plesent smell in here and not
>the stuff you make, sweety. (he started to laugh and that got Polly mad)
GUIDO: Usually I prefer coffee in the morning.
>
>6:45AM
>
>NARRIATOR: Guido just got done getting the catnip kicked out of him.
>
>GUIDO:
GUIDO:[BOBO of MST3K fame] Ow! My spine! Ow!
> Call me a chiropracter please.
>
>FRANCINE: You're a chiropracter.
>
JESSE:[imitates a rimshot]
>GUIDO: Thanks.
>
>SPEEDY: Well, since you spent the past 20 minutes beating Guido up. What are we
>having for breakfast?
>
>POLLY: Since you liked the dog food so much you can have it for breakfast! Here!
>(she threw a plate with brown stuff on it at him and he caught it, then looked
>at it)
>
>SPEEDY:
SPEEDY:[story self] That had better be dog food...
> I'm sorry. I rather take my chances with your food. (he threw it in the
>trashcan)
>
>POLLY: You are going to be in serious pain!
>
SPEEDY:[story self] You mean I'm *not* now?
>7:00AM
>
>NARRIATOR: Polly spent those 15 minutes beating up Speedy Francine and Guido
JESSE: That must have been *some* fight.
>decided to get some cereal since Polly was busy.
>
JESSE: Oh, ok.
>FRANCINE: Next thing you know she will be beating up the B-Team.
>
>GUIDO: To late for that. Genneral Catton and Bat Cat got beat up good and the
>other two will be next.
>
SPEEDY: Heck, she's even gone on to beating up standers by.
POLLY: What happened here was an *ACCIDENT*.
JESSE: I forgive you.
>7:30AM
>
>NARRIATOR: The pizza shop opened and Guido was complaining about his foot
>hurting him so he and Polly switched places for the day. Polly wasn't to happy
>about that but she wouldn't argue with Francine espically since she is
>responsible for there pay.
>
POLLY: Where pay?
SPEEDY: Good question.
[LUCILLE elbows JESSE in the ribs]
JESSE: Hey! What was that for?
LUCILLE: I thought you were Speedy.
>COUSTOMER: Hey sweet thing! Can I get you to go? (she jumped kicked him)
>
>POLLY: Say that to me one more time and you will never live to see your pathetic
>life again! Is that clear?
>
>COUSTOMER: Very clear. (he got up and staggered out)
>
GUIDO: And that is this week's lesson on "How *NOT* to hit on someone."
>GUIDO: Someone is touchy today.
>
JESSE: At least she's not feely as well.
[LUCILLE elbows JESSE in ribs harder than before]
JESSE:[in pain] I deserved that...
>FRANCINE: This is nothing. One time she threw a coustomer through the window and
>over the horizon for calling her a babe. (Speedy came up to get some more
>orders)
>
>SPEEDY: Who are these for?
>
>GUIDO: The person we hate the most.
>
>SPEEDY: Jim Carrey?
>
SPEEDY:[Ace Ventura] Well, all righty then!
>GUIDO: The other one.
>
>SPEEDY: Marylin Manson?
>
GUIDO:[singing] I wanna...
JESSE: Say it and *I'll* smack you!
>GUIDO: No! It starts with an S.
>
JESSE:[Speedy] Stanley Tweedle?
>SPEEDY: Oh. Stephen Spielberg.
>
>GUIDO: No! It is Seymore you idiot! Get going or I will have Francine dock your
>pay! (he ran out the door)
>
>FRANCINE: You have been spending way to much time around Polly.
JESSE: I see no problem with that unless...
GUIDO: Uh, we're not like that...
> You are starting
>to act like her.
>
>GUIDO: It isn't my fault I have known her for most of my life.
>
>8:30AM
>
>NARRIATOR: The breakfast brunch cleared out and it was deserted except for one
>coustomer. None of them had seen him around before so they figured he must be
>new.
>
SPEEDY: Not necessarily. We *occasionally* get busy.
>POLLY: Well, it is 8:30. You know what that means?
>
LUCILLE: We're late for class?
>GUIDO: I get to call someone first! (he ran to the phone and dialed a number out
>of blue. He held the phone so they both could hear what the person was saying on
>the other end. A girl picked up)
>
>PERSON: Hello?
>
>GUIDO: Yes. (he said mimicking Kasey Kassim) You have won a free trip!
>
GUIDO:[Kasey Kassim] Thanks for listening to Rock, Roll and Remember...
>PERSON: Really? Where? (Polly got on and spoke in a sexy voice)
>
>POLLY: With me on a deserted island.
>
>PERSON: I'm sorry. I'm not like that. (the girl on the other end hung up
>followed by Guido and Polly who were laughing)
JESSE: I'll take it, if you're still offering.
POLLY: I'm not.
JESSE: Drat!
>
>GUIDO: Nice job pumpkin! (they dialed another number)
>
>SPEEDY: Everyday they do the same thing. Prank call strangers. (the misterious
>stranger got up and pushed the dial that made the phone hang up)
>
>POLLY: What did you do that for?
>
>STRANGER: Cause I can. (he walked out the door)
>
GUIDO: Causing a can.
>FRANCINE: I don't think he finds prank calling funny.
>
>GUIDO: But it is funny!
>
>SPEEDY: Fran and I think it is getting old.
>
>FRANCINE: It has been old for the past 3 months.
>
JESSE:[mechanical sounding] We are the Borg...
>9:00AM
>
>NARRIATOR: The pizza shop was still empty except for a couple who was sitting at
>a table in the back corner.
>
>SPEEDY: That same couple comes in here at the same time everyday.
>
>FRANCINE: I think it is romantic. Sitting at the same table everyday.
>
>SPEEDY: I find it repulsive.
LUCILLE: Needless to say what it does to the seats.
> (Polly and Guido came up to them)
>
>POLLY: If you really want to see replusive, go look in a mirror.
JESSE: It takes one to know one.
[LUCILLE elbows JESSE in the ribs again.]
JESSE:[strained] Did it again...
>
>GUIDO: That will be hard since he keeps breaking them everytime he looks into
>one. (they both started laughing)
>
>SPEEDY: That isn't funny. I think I'm going to give the couple there order now.
>(he ran off)
>
>FRANCINE: You guys sure are in a silly mood today.
>
>POLLY: I know. It is probably from the coffee we had this mourning.
>
POLLY: Oh yes, and we also added three cups of sugar to the pot...
>FRANCINE: Since when do you guys drink coffee?
>
>GUIDO: Ever since you started making us get up at 6 in the mourning. I'm telling
>you Polly. It's trorture.
>
>POLLY: That is for sure honey.
JESSE:[holds up a small box] No, these are Junior Mints.
>
>FRANCINE: O-kay! You guys are getting on my last nerve! If you don't stop it,
>I'm going to... (the phone rang and she picked it up. Guido stood next to her)
>Hello! Pizza Cats Pizza! Can I help you?
>
>PERSON: Yea. Can I have two pizzas to be delivered please.
>
>GUIDO: I don't know. Can you?
JESSE: Wait. Why is Guido taking the call when Francine answered the phone?
>
>PERSON: Nevermind. Some people are so rude! (the person hung up and Guido
>started laughing)
>
>FRANCINE: What did you do that for?
>
>GUIDO: She used inproper English.
>
LUCILLE:[Francine] No, I was asking why you took the phone from me like that.
>FRANCINE: Will you go away and bug someone else! (she kicked him and he hit the
>wall next to Polly who was laughing at the whole incident)
JESSE: Hopefully, that was in the chest.
>
>POLLY: Serves you right. (she looked down at him)
>
>GUIDO: Just shut up darling.
>
>POLLY: Like I'm going to listen to you, cupcake. (she then kicked him and he hit
>the other wall)
>
>10:00AM
>
>NARRIATOR: The bussiness started to pick up like it always does at this time.
>You are probably wondering what is with the nicknames that Polly and Guido call
>each other,
JESSE: OK, sorta.
> well, they lost a bet badly and have to say that stuff for two
>weeks. Today was there first day since they lost the bet last night. You can say
>that they have to act like they are going out.
LUCILLE, JESSE and SPEEDY: They have to act like they are going out.
> A little bit anyway.
JESSE: Isn't that kinda like being a little bit on fire?
>FRANCINE: Wow! Business is starting to pick up like it always does at this time!
>
>SPEEDY: Good repeting job Fran.
>
>FRANCINE: Thanks.
>
GUIDO: Now go for the three-peat!
>11:00AM
>
POLLY: My, that was a quick hour.
>NARRIATOR: The shop closes at this time for two hours so the workers can get a
>lunch break before they open again.
>
JESSE:What's up with that? Is it some sort of tradition or something?
LUCILLE: Yes, actually, it is.
>POLLY: Well, I will be back in two hours. I'm going shopping with Lucieal.
>
>SPEEDY: Can Guido and I come with you guys? (Lucieal walked into the shop)
>
>POLLY: Why do you guys want to go shopping with us? And I will not accept
>"because we want to flirt with Lucieal".
JESSE: Yeah! That's my job!
LUCILLE: What? No it's not!
JESSE: What's wrong with my flirting with a pretty girl?
POLLY: I think he likes you! [giggles a little bit]
> So, why are you guys comming now?
>
>GUIDO: Nevermind then. I don't want to go dear.
>
>POLLY: I figured you wouldn't after I said that. Precious.
>
>LUCIEAL: Well Speedy, why do you want to go?
>
>SPEEDY:
SPEEDY:[story self] Why would I *not* want to go?
> Just to do something besides sit around.
>
>LUCIEAL: Of course you can come then. This will be fun!
>
>POLLY: Fine. Come on! We are wasting precious shopping time! See you guys later!
>(they walked out the door)
>
>11:15AM
>
>NARRIATOR: Our friends just arrived at the mall. Boy, I hate this fanfic. I
>barely say anything.
>
>SPEEDY: What do you guys need to get at the mall anyway?
>
JESSE:[Babylon 5 character Kosh] Atmosphere.
>POLLY: I need to get some new outfits.
>
>LUCIEAL: Same here.
>
>SPEEDY: But you already have over 100 in your closet?
>
GUIDO: Isn't that a statement.
>POLLY: You went and snopped around in my room. Didn't you?
>
>SPEEDY: No. I never did that.
>
>LUCIEAL: Then how do you know how many outfits she has?
>
>SPEEDY: Oh yea. (a stupid grin crossed his face)
>
JESSE:[Beavis and Butt-head] Boing!
>POLLY: Just what I thought!
>
>11:30AM
>
>NARRIATOR: Polly decided not to hit him since Lucieal convinced her that she
>didn't have any proof.
GUIDO:[Narriator] Apparently she hadn't seen him.
> They were standing in a store which was having a
>clearence sale. Speedy waited outside for the girls to return.
>
>SPEEDY: Is this ever boring. I would have had more fun twidiling my thumbs then
>this. (he saw a sign in a window that caught his eye)
SPEEDY: It really hurt, too.
>
>NARRIATOR: Of course the sign was in Japannase since this is an "Anime" cartoon
>show/fanfic
>
>SPEEDY: Enter now and you could win a dinner for two. ( he read out loud,a sly
>grin crossed his face) Why not. I have nothing to loose. (he filled out a form
>and when he was done, Polly and Lucieal came out of the store with a bunch of
>bags)
>
>POLLY: Speedy! Get over here now and help us! (he ran up to them and Polly gave
>him all her bags and Lucieal did the same thing)
>
JESSE:[bends empty plastic bottle]
SPEEDY:[story self] AH! My back!
>BOTH: Thanks Speedy! (he could barely walk because of the weight)
>
>SPEEDY: No problem.
>
SPEEDY: That reminds me. I'm all out of junk food. Can we go out and get some more?
JESSE: Sure.
[All exit theater]
[Lobby. Emporer Fred is sitting on the floor near the claw game being his usual self. The others don't notice untill he speaks. SPEEDY, GUIDO, and JESSE are all well again.]
JESSE: So, is everyone enjoying the story?
GUIDO: Yeah!
POLLY: I am!
SPEEDY: Me too.
JESSE: How about you, Lucille?
LUCILLE:[shyly] I like it.
FRED:[boistrously] Fred Fred FRED!
[All look towards claw game, startled.]
JESSE: Who's the guy?
SPEEDY: It's Emporer Fred. What's he doing here?
POLLY: Here's a better question. Where's Princess Vi?
[Princess Violet comes rushing in.]
VIOLET: DADDY! There you are! I thought I told you not to go running off... [sees others] Oh. Hello, Pizza Cats. Sir.
JESSE: And who are you, miss?
VIOLET: I am Violet, Princess of Little Tokyo. Who are you, sir?
JESSE: Jesse Shearer, theater leasee.
POLLY:[to Violet] What are you two doing here?
VIOLET: Daddy wanted to play some arcade games and get some dinner. He must have come here by mistake.
JESSE: Quite alright. So far, the only game that's come is the claw game here. But there *is* a great arcade down the mall a bit, and I hear the restaraunt across the way here is really good.
SPEEDY: Or you could come to the movie with us.
[Seymore enters unnoticed]
VIOLET: That would be nice. When does it start?
GUIDO: We're already about halfway through, I think.
VIOLET:[angry] You started a movie without me? I should send you all to Prisoner Island!
SEYMORE: Can I have the lease to this place if you do?
[All are again startled. Speedy pulls his sword]
JESSE: Hey, now. Put that hittin' stick away untill we find out what he's here for. [to SEYMORE] Let's have it, noseboy.
SEYMORE: I wanna have a movie theater so I can make enough money to finally do in the Pizza Cats.
POLLY: That's not going to happen.
GUIDO: Not anytime soon, anyway.
JESSE: Well, I will consider giving him the place if he can pull off a few stunts for me.
SEYMORE: What's the first?
[JESSE brings SEYMORE around the counter and they approach what looks like a cotton candy spinning machine]
JESSE: First on my "Don't Anybody Dare Try This At Home Or I'll Have To Hurt You" list is seeing how long you can keep your bare hands in this box.
SEYMORE: OK. How hard can that be? [sticks his hands in the box]
[JESSE flips a switch on the side. SEYMORE begins to scream and wail a few seconds later. JESSE shuts the machine back off and gets SEYMORE's hands out. SEYMORE has a big wad of blue cotton candy on his hands]
SEYMORE: Are you CRAZY? That really hurt!
JESSE: I'm sure I did. And no, I'm not normally crazy. That's why it's called my "Don't Anybody Dare Try This At Home Or I'll Have To Hurt You" list.
FRED: Fred Fred FRED! [jumps in and starts eating the candy on SEYMORE's hands]
LUCILLE: Woah!
JESSE: Somebody get him offa there!
[A second of chaos before a commertial]
[commercial for Windows XP]
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Part three will be up before too terribly much longer. And also, be on the lookout for a special feature to follow that, as well, folks! See you soon!
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