Sometimes I Wonder: Consequences

I sometimes wonder about the consequences of the choices I make.

I know they happen. I know they affect me. But lately, I've been wondering what and where they are, and can't help but thin that I'm stupid for not noticing.

This holds especially true in two places that are relatively important to me: my day job, and here on my blog. The day job is, of course, the more important of the two.

I know I'm making mistakes there, but am having trouble finding reason to regret them. That's bad because I don't want to keep making the same mistakes over and over again until they bite me in the ass.

One potential mistake I keep making is the material I post here. Part of the reason I hold back more than people realize is that I worry too much about the bad things that could happen if I put up the wrong stuff, and I know I'm screwing myself out of a lot of good opportunities as a result.

On top of that, there's the old material I've been posting. Views go through the roof whenever I share some of that. It makes me regret that I quit doing some of it in order to pursue things that didn't work out as well as I'd hoped. At the same time, I also have the same sense of dread about where I'd be if I'd more seriously pursued a different kind of writing and/or videography as a career.

It's all making me wonder if I'd still be where I am, making the same mistakes that I keep making and hoping that I don't live to regret them as badly as I fear I will.

Perhaps it's no coincidence that as I write this, I've happened across a scene from an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation called “Tapestry”, where Picard dies and Q shows him just how different his life would have been had he made one decision differently in his youth. The clip, viewable here, has given me something to keep in mind as I consider how to proceed going forward.