From The Old Floppies: Issue #17: Game Review of "The Three Stooges" video game for I-Mockery

It's been awhile since I've done one of these, and I've been meaning to get around to it since then.

In this case, what we've got here is a video game review I wrote for a website called I-Mockery.  It's one of those sites that's been around for awhile in one form or another.  They've got some cool stuff there.  Amongst my favorites are the Pixel Pals sprite comic and an article about a failed Disney resort in the Caribbean.  Back in the day, they used to take user-submitted video game reviews, and I had an account there with which I did exactly that maybe a half dozen times.  Just my luck, in an effort to come up with a cheap and somewhat lazy post for tonight, I came across a final draft of one of those reviews.  Interestingly enough, it's the one for the Three Stooges NES game that came out in the late 1980s or early 90s, which I mention in my video review of the recent movie of the same name by the Farley Brothers.

Now, what I'm posting here is just the plain text version I wrote without the supplemental in-game images that I submitted alongside the review.  Those can be found on the review page hosted by I-Mockery, along with additional info I couldn't find because I didn't know then and haven't had the inclination to find out in the eight years since then.

So, here we go, folks.  Check it out below the jump!
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Title: The Three Stooges

Author: Activision

ROM Player:

Reviewer: “Junkman” Jesse Shearer

{Insert game pictures here}

The Three Stooges were probably the 20^th century’s most influential slapstick comedy trio. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone who hasn’t at least *seen* a Three Stooges short. Naturally, our favorite comedy team eventually got their own video game.

The thing is, though, how does one make a Three Stooges game that will appeal to a Stooge fan like, say, me? Well, in this case, it meant having a typical Stooge plot tie a bunch of Stooge-themed minigames together. After all, there were so many classic Stooge routines that I would love to reenact myself. The minigames you play for this include, but may not necessarily be limited to, the “Go-carts in the Hospital” scene from “Men in Black,” a pie fight from various Stooge shorts and films, the “Soup Crackers” scene and the “Boxing Match” scene, both of which come from shorts I forget the titles of. And, of course, it wouldn’t truly be a Three Stooges game if there wasn’t a chance to control Moe as he pummels the crap out of Larry and Curly with pokes, slaps, and head bonks.

The plot that ties these minigames together is that Ma’s Orphanage is in deep with a sleazy banker for something like ten large and the banker will foreclose on the orphanage unless Ma can come up with the green in a month. The Stooges hear about this, and being the upstanding gentlemen that only they can be, they get right to work to get the money for Ma and save the orphanage from closing, thereby saving a few kids from life on the streets. And that’s where the minigames come in, as each one is supposed to be a contest or day job.

The thing that makes this game the most difficult is the portion of the game where you select the minigame, as the pointer will speed up each day, and about halfway through, you’re gonna want to land on a panel that allows you to do a slapfest, as this will slow the pointer down. Or potentially speed it up, depending on the rate at which you can get Moe to hit the other Stooges, as the two are inversely proportional. The downside is that you’ll have to sacrifice a day off the calendar.

I suppose I should wind up with the conditions for victory in this game. If you don’t get the ten grand, you lose. If you *do* get it, you win, but it’s possible to get two other happy endings, as well. Get twenty large, I think it was, and Ma gets to rebuild the orphanage after it’s saved, because let’s face it, the place sucks ass when you first meet Ma and the banker. If a miracle happens or you’re an expert player and you somehow wind up with thirty grand, the orphanage is saved, rebuilt, and the Stooges get to marry Ma’s three beautiful daughters.

In the end, this is the one specific NES title I really regret not buying. But then, I’m a die-hard Stooge fan, and still enjoy my VHS collection on a regular basis. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who’s not a Stooge fan, as this game will get old fast. That may hold true even if you are a Stooge fan. Bottom line, unless you’re a die-hard Stooge fan or a collector of things Stooge, you should pass on this game when it comes out for Game Boy in the near future.

Ratings: not less than 7.

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Sometime in late 2004 or 2005, I-Mockery stopped taking user-submitted work because abuse and spam had become a problem, and since I was just a user, I had to give it up.  Since then, I really haven't looked at I-Mockery as much as I used to, but everybody's tastes change over time, mine included.  Every time I go back for a look, it seems like they're still doing good stuff.  Who knows, they might be just the thing you're looking for, so check them out.

In the meantime, I've got a video I'll be posting to my YouTube page and possibly here that might be worth checking out.  See you with that in a bit, maybe.  Either way, have a good night, folks.