Sorry about the delay in getting this out, folks. As I've mentioned before, it's been a crazy couple weeks. Things have stabilized a bit for the time being, so maybe I'll be able to get things rolling a little more regularly here.
But anyway, the story at hand. Grand Theft HamHams. This will put us to the halfway point in the story, up to six chapters of eleven. I'm actually kind of surprised that I managed to keep it going that long, now that I've got almost a decade between myself and actually writing it.
Other than that, I'm at a bit of a loss for what else to say about this right now, so let's get into the story, shall we?
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Warp Power Studios and Theaters presents:
A J. Michael Shearer Production:
Grand Theft Ham-Ham
By Jesse Shearer
Grand Theft Auto copyright Rockstar Games
Hamtaro distributed by ShoPro
If you've read this far, you probably already know the warning! All the same, if
coarse language and/or violence put you off, stop reading now!
Segment Four: Sandy's Driving Lesson
A minute later, Hamtaro and Sandy were in the car and ready to go.
"It's easy," Hamtaro explained. "Just lean forward to get going."
Once the Ham-hams were underway, they found themselves headed for a rather large
rock.
"What do we do now?" Sandy wailed.
"Lean left!" Hamtaro shouted. The car just barely missed the obstacle it was
headed for, leaving both passengers scared nearly out of their wits.
"So, when were you going to tell me about steering, Hamtaro?" Sandy asked.
"I was getting to it," the other hamster said nervously. "Just lean the
direction you want to go."
"I think I can handle that," Sandy said. "Let's keep going for awhile."
The two Ham-hams continued on for another half an hour before deciding to head
back to the clubhouse. On the way, Sandy brought up the issue of stopping.
"I still haven't figured that out," Hamtaro said. "I can't seem to think of
anything."
"Well, one of us had better soon. We're almost back to the clubhouse," Sandy
replied. As she spoke, she was pressing down on the floor with her feet, which
made a hole around them.
"Hey, there's an idea," Hamtaro said, excitedly. "Now all we have to do is dig
our heels in when we want to stop."
"Won't we both need to do it?" asked Sandy.
"I guess we will," Hamtaro said. "I guess that means I need a hole under my
feet, too."
Hamtaro had just managed to kick a hole beneath him in time to stop before
hitting the clubhouse and breaking something again.
This time, Howdy and Dexter had joined the others to see what was going on.
"How y'all doin'?" asked Howdy when Hamtaro and Sandy got out of the car.
"Just fine," Sandy replied.
"We found a way to stop the car, too," Hamtaro said.
"I see that," Dexter said. "It looks interesting."
"It's fun!" Sandy exclaimed. "Wanna try?"
"I don't know..." Dexter said nervously.
"It's not so bad," Oxnard chimed in. "Even I did it a couple times."
"You'll love it," Boss told them.
"It would be really great if you'd try it, Dexter," Pashmina said.
"I guess I'll try it then," Dexter said.
"In that case, count me in, too!" Howdy exclaimed.
Stay tuned for Segment Five: Hazardous Howdy and Dexter the Drivin'-Ham!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Warp Power Studios and Theaters presents:
A J. Michael Shearer Production:
Grand Theft Ham-Ham
By Jesse Shearer
Grand Theft Auto produced by Rockstar Games
Hamtaro distributed by ShoPro
Once again, this story is a crossover between Hamtaro and Grand Theft Auto 3,
and will therefore have the Ham-Hams out of character at the very best. Also,
there will be instances of violence, suggestive dialog, and/or swearing. If this
is not your thing, turn away now. If it *is* your thing, read on.
Segment Five: Hazardous Howdy and Dexter the Drivin'-Ham
"You got any suggestions for starting this thing?" Howdy asked Dexter.
"I think we just lean forward to get going," Dexter said, as he leaned forward a
little bit.
"Sounds good," Howdy said. When he leaned forward as well, the toy car began
rolling. Once again it was headed for the rock that Sandy and Hamtaro had almost
hit.
"Left!" Dexter shouted as both Ham-Hams leaned left to narrowly avoid the rock
in front of them.
"I think I'm getting the hang of this," Howdy said.
"Of course you are," Dexter retorted. "Why didn't you see that damned rock,
then?"
"Good point," Howdy replied. After a few minutes of clumsy steering, the duo was
in the park by the bay.
"Wow, the water's coming up fast," Howdy remarked.
"We'd better stop, then, hadn't we?" Dexter commented as he jammed his feet
through the hole beneath them. Howdy did the same a second later, and the
vehicle came to a stop just inches from the edge of the embankment above the
water. Both Ham-Hams jumped out and hopped around for a few seconds, until their
feet were cool again.
"That was a close one," Howdy said.
"I'd say," Dexter agreed, while looking around. "Hey, look, Howdy. Over there!"
"Is that... cat... driving?" asked Howdy when he saw what was going on. A short
distance from them was a cat, riding around on the back of a remote control dump
truck. As the Ham-Hams watched, the truck made several trips past them without
the cat noticing what was there. After the cat had gone by them five times, it
noticed.
"I'm gonna getcha," the cat said on its sixth trip past. By the seventh, the
Ham-Hams had run for cover and the cat had begun chasing them. The three played
an intense game of hide and seek for about fifteen minutes before the cat gave
up in frustration.
"I guess we're going to have to walk back now," Dexter said.
"But we lost the car," Howdy said. "You got any bright ideas about what to say?"
"I was going to tell them that we came across a cat that could drive, and that
the cat chased us," Dexter explained. "And now that you mention it, I'd better
do the talking when we get back."
"Why's that?" Howdy asked.
"Well," Dexter began, "you know what Boss'll think, right?"
"Yep," Howdy said. "I been drinkin' again."
Next time on Grand Theft Ham-Ham: Dexter's Been Drinking...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Warp Power Studios and Theaters presents: A J. Michael Shearer Production:
Grand Theft Ham-Ham By Jesse Shearer
Grand Theft Auto produced by Rockstar Games Hamtaro distributed by ShoPro
Once again, this story is a crossover between Hamtaro and Grand Theft Auto 3,
and therefore will have the Ham-Hams at least slightly out of character. Also,
there will be instances of violence, suggestive dialog and/or swearing. If this
isn't your idea of a good read, turn back now. If it is, by all means, continue.
Segment Six: Dexter's Been Drinking.
"How could you loose the car?" Boss asked angrily as Dexter and Howdy
explained themselves. Hamtaro and Oxnard were there to hear the story as well.
"Like I said, Boss," Dexter explained, "we ran into a cat that could
drive, so we got out and ran away."
"Right," Boss answered sarcastically. "A cat that could drive. And you
managed to escape on foot. I think somebody spilled birdseed in your extra bowl
of water last week and you drank it."
"He's telling the truth," Howdy said in an effort to defend Dexter. "I
saw it, too."
"So you put him up to it, huh?" Boss asked. "Damned idiots."
"The good news is that Panda's building us another one anyway," Hamtaro
said.
"He says it's supposed to be better than the one we found," Oxnard said.
"I guess there's that," Boss said. "I'm gonna go help him for a little
bit. It might help me calm down."
"We'd like to do something to help too, if we could," Dexter said.
"After all, we're the ones that lost the other car," Howdy agreed.
"No, no. That's OK. I'd rather you didn't," Boss said before he left the
clubhouse.
"But you can still have a look," Hamtaro told the others.
"It's really neat," Oxnard told them.
"Sure, why not?" Dexter decided.
"Sounds interesting," Howdy said. With that, the other Ham-Hams at the
clubhouse went outside to see their new vehicle.
Look for Segment Seven: The Pandamobile in the yet-to-be-determined near future!
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One other interesting thing that I wanted to save until the end here is that the first five chapters of this one were incorporated into the last really big self-insertion MiSTing I ever wrote, found here on the EWIC archive. I had always intended to get back to that series at some point. Unfortunately, as I may have said at some point before, I had other priorities at the time, and now that those priorities have shifted back to a place where I might have the time to do it again, it's been too long since I've done anything of the sort.
For the time being, though, I'll be posting the whole GTH thing here, as well as my usual newer material. Hopefully, this will all happen faster than it has the last couple weeks. See you soon, folks.
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