Jesse the Fatass?
I don't think so, but it often seems like there are a lot of days when many of the people around me seem to. Much as I'd like to be able to move like the little blue hedgehog I count as something of a personal hero, I'm afraid it's just not possible, for several reasons. The only land animal alive that I know of that even comes close is the cheetah, and I'm certainly no cheetah.
Plus, my personality's all wrong for that, too. Sonic's the kind of guy who does the right thing just because it's the right thing to do. Me, I prefer doing the right thing, too, just for different reasons, and being able to gain from it personally is a big help.
Really, if I'm going to be making Sonic the Hedgehog references here, I think a better way to put this is that I'm more like a Lawful Neutral-to-slightly-Good version of Eggman from Sonic X. Metaphorically speaking, I have no trouble coming up with reasons to not sic my giant robot on you, but if that's what you insist upon, I'll give you what you want.
All this comes to mind because all the dashing about and jumping around I do in a day really takes a toll on a person, no matter what kind of condition they're in, and as I'm sure I've mentioned previously, I'm in terrible shape. Granted, it's all part of my job, and I really wouldn't have it any other way, but I'd be getting a little old for it even if I was in better shape than I am.
So, I guess my real point is here, folks, help a guy out, huh? How's about making it a little easier for an aspiring writer to make a little money doing exactly that? I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.